You remained friends with your ex because you still want to get back with him someday.
But it’s been ages and you’re still, well… friends.
So now, you want to change your strategy—you want to give him space, hoping it will get him rushing back to you. But will it really work?
In this article, let’s analyze the male psyche and how giving them space after a break up affects them.
Why remaining friends doesn’t work
Stay friends with him only if your priority is to actually stay friends with him.
If you use “friendship” as a strategy to make things work and get him back, you’re going to be disappointed.
You see, if you remain friends with your ex after a break up—and especially if he knows you still like him—it’s quite likely that he will feel that his place in your life is secure.
Because of that, there’s no urgency to get back together with you. Instead he’ll drag his tail around and live his best life, happily wasting your time.
It also has a few other consequences.
One, he’s shielded from any sense of personal “guilt” over your break-up, whether it was over him leaving you, or you leaving him for something he did.
Second, he might be getting what he wants out of a partner from you simply by being friends. Casual sex and companionship, for example.
And third, he can rely on the fact that he can go around and date other people and come back to you anytime if things don’t work out.
And here’s one more thing, and it’s probably more important than the ones already mentioned…
If you remain nice and accessible to your ex for a long time, YOUR VALUE DECREASES.
You’re not a catch…you’re not “limited edition”, you’re always around and waiting for him.
Trust me, it’s not the way to go if you want him to get back together with you.
Giving him space could lead him back to you
Giving him space will make him miss you. That’s a given.
But not only that, it will reignite his interest in you…exactly what you need to do if you want your ex to think of pursuing you again.
And he is forced to rethink his approach towards you. Namely, by being made to think of you as a brand new lover.
I learned about this from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.
In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.
No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.
Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do this.
Factors that could help determine if he’s coming back
1) Whether or not you’ve done this before
If you’ve used this trick before, it won’t be as effective.
It’s like getting mad at someone repeatedly. It loses its impact and they start to think that you’ll be back again anyway.
If you want results and you’ve done this before, then you’ll have to double, triple, or even quadruple the intensity to see an effect.
If this is your first time, your success rate is much higher, so that’s great news.
But if this is your fourth or fifth time, then you are probably better off moving on, because you might no longer be able to make him feel anything no matter what you do.
2) How close you are right now
Your absence will only be felt if you have a strong presence in his life. It’s pretty basic, but it can help you assess if he will come back or not if you give him space.
Are you always there for him when he’s in trouble?
How often do the two of you two talk?
Does he still share details of his life with you?
On a scale of one to ten, how close are you?
If it’s above five, your chance is high already. Go ahead and do it! If it’s less than five, you might want to take it to at least seven for your absence to be truly felt.
Timing is everything, so they say. And it’s especially true when it comes to getting an ex back.
You have to pay close attention to his headspace before you strike. Otherwise, your No-contact won’t have a strong impact on him. Your absence won’t be felt because he’s busy doing something else!
What does this mean?
Well, don’t disappear if he’s emotionally vulnerable.
Don’t disappear if he’s having the time of his life, either.
The best time to do it is when he’s not experiencing anything too high or too low…and that you have a feeling he’s starting to get too friendly with you again.
Signs your ex will eventually come back after giving him space
1) He was affected by what you had to say
So you decided to go ahead and tell him that you’re going to back off and give him some space. Maybe you suggested going no-contact for a while.
If he shrugged it off with a “huh, okay” or “sure, cool”, then chances are that he won’t come rushing back to you after no-contact.
But if you can see in his eyes that your announcement gutted him, and most especially if he begs you to change your mind, then he’s probably going to come back to your side.
This means that he still cares about you—that his feelings for you had not devolved into cold apathy.
2) He finds it hard to resist talking to you
He hates the distance between the two of you.
If you told him that you’re putting down a no-contact rule, you might catch him sending messages to you anyways and then apologizing afterwards.
And if you have a group chat, he messages more often than usual if he knows you’re online.
You can still see this to a lesser extent if you agreed to simply reduce contact, rather than go completely no-contact, and it’s a clear indication that he misses you a lot.
Don’t be surprised to find him knocking on your door one day, begging to be let back in.
3) His friends ask about the two of you
It would be a very bad look on him if he were to try to talk with you directly when you have told him that you’re giving him some space. And if you have a no-contact agreement, then it’d be downright impossible.
So that’s why he sends his friends over to spy on you and send you messages on his behalf. You might notice them trying to get closer to you when it used to be that they would ignore you.
Some of them might play coy and ask how things are going between you and your ex.
And he himself is probably obsessed with figuring out where he went wrong, and wondering if you’re still single and not out there dating someone new.
4) He becomes unusually shy
Let’s say you accidentally bumped into each other on the street or at a party. Rather than stay calm, you’d catch your ex stumbling and stuttering as if he were a third grade kid.
The last time you could remember him acting like this was back when you had just started dating.
This is because the confidence that he once had in your presence, built on the assumption of familiarity and intimacy that you once had, is now gone.
And this is something you can take full advantage of, by saying something that could potentially encourage him to get back together with you.
I mentioned Brad Browning earlier – he’s an expert in relationships and reconciliation.
His practical tips have helped thousands of men and women not only reconnect with their exes but to rebuild the love and commitment they once shared.
If you’d like to do the same, check out his excellent free video here.
5) He’s NOT having the time of his life without you
He’s not out partying hard or looking for new girls to date. If anything, he simply looks downright depressed. Lost in thoughts, even.
If you pushed him away, he’d be wondering what’s so wrong about him and what he can do to be a better person for him. And if he was the one who left you, he’ll be out there regretting his choices.
He’ll be haunted by the thought of you leaving him for good if he still loves you, and that more or less makes it impossible for him to “enjoy” his single life.
If he ever goes out to bars, it’s not to flirt or find a one-night stand, but to get himself drunk to flush his sorrows away.
6) He’s baiting you
He can’t just keep trying to reach out to you—not after what you told him. It’ll make him look desperate and betray that he’s still interested in you.
So instead, he tries to get your attention in a more subtle way.
He’d go around posting stuff that might get your attention. Things like your shared hobbies, your favorite hangouts, his cat that you adore with all of your heart.
Of course, it’s obvious to you and anyone else who bothers to pay attention to what he’s doing. But don’t tell him—he’s most likely not aware that he’s being obvious.
7) He’s been working on himself
Rather than hanging out all over town and getting to know someone new, he’s instead neck-deep in self-help books and workout routines.
It’s clear that he’s trying to improve himself and become the best version of himself that he could be.
For example, he might be hard at work trying to trim down that belly that you’ve been complaining to him about. And if he had anger issues, his purchase history for the past few days have been nothing but books on anger management.
He’s doing this because he’s aware of his flaws and he’s doing his best to make himself the best partner that he could be for you.
8) He’s not seeing anyone else
It’s been months. Perhaps you’ve had a few flings here and there—nothing lasting—but he, on the other hand, had abstained completely from dating.
And it’s not like he didn’t have any opportunities either. But whenever he gets a girl trying to woo him, he simply doesn’t seem to be interested at all and turns them down.
He might have a handy reason on hand if you ask him about it, like him wanting to get his life settled first before he starts dating again. And while he might not necessarily be lying, chances are that he’s quietly waiting for you.
He’s probably thinking that you’re paying attention to him, and the last thing he wants is to tell you he’s moved on and is dating someone new.
9) His family reaches out to you
You might expect that his family would have an uneasy relationship with you.
After all, you’re his ex and you’re trying to put some distance between the two of you. But this could not be any further from the truth.
Instead of cutting you out, or sending insults your way, they instead reach out to you and ask you how you’re doing.
They might even sound like they’re trying to figure out if anything went wrong, and see if there’s anything they can do to help you along.
10) He gets jealous when he sees you with someone else
He should have no right to have an opinion on whoever you’re dating or hanging out with.
And yet when he sees you hanging out with another guy—even if it’s just a friend from high school—he immediately gets jealous.
He might break no-contact over this and demonstrate just how jealous he is over text. Or, barring that, you might catch him being passive-aggressive on social media or in real life.
This is because he wants you, he sees that guy as a threat, and yet he’s unable to do anything about it.
How to get your ex back after you give him space
1) Clear the air
One of the most important things you can do after you’ve gotten back together is to have a nice, heartfelt chat together to clear the air.
And by this I mean facing the issues that had caused your past relationship to fail and talk about how you can do better.
If you’ve been a neglectful and bossy girlfriend, then apologize for it and resolve to do better. If he’s been an overly jealous boyfriend, then you can try to see if he acknowledges it and apologizes for it.
Talk and talk and talk some more until you feel like you’ve said everything that needs to be said. If you can laugh about your past, all the better.
2) Start a clean slate
Once you’ve cleared the air to a good enough degree that you’re on talking terms again, it’s time to set aside all the bad stuff that had plagued your past relationship.
Set aside all your grudges and ill feelings for the times you fought or didn’t do enough for each other.
You don’t have to forgive or forget, but for the moment what you need is to look past them and try to see if you can be more understanding of his shortcomings.
The thing with getting back together with an ex is that, ideally, you should not just be “resuming” your old relationship. No matter how much you’ve both grown, approaching your relationship from that angle will make those old wounds chafe.
If you truly must give yourselves a second chance, you should treat your relationship as if it were brand new. Try to get to know him all over again, and have him try to understand you in turn.
3) Be patient
Patience is incredibly important when you’re trying to get back together with your ex.
We all have our flaws. Doubtless some of those flaws were responsible for why your relationship fell apart in the first place.
You have all the years in your life to learn and grow from your mistakes. But there are just some flaws that can’t be easily eliminated. Instead, we have to live with and work around those flaws.
This innate imperfection is why you should try to exercise patience and understanding when getting back together with your ex. Both towards him, and to yourself.
Realize that both of you are beginners in love—yes, even if you happen to be 40 with kids— and if you’re to build a relationship you must forgive one another for your flaws.
4) Change the way he sees you
One effective trick to get an ex back is to focus on changing the way he feels. To do this, simply change the emotions he associates with you and make him picture a whole new relationship with you.
Well, you already did the first part. While you were no-contact, you already showed him that you’re a different person. And the distance also provided a different lens in how he sees you.
But it’s not enough.You have to do the second part. You have to be able to demonstrate to him the brand-new you.
In his excellent short video, James Bauer gives you a step-by-step method for changing the way your ex feels about you. He reveals the texts you can send and things you can say that will trigger something deep inside him.
Because once you paint a new picture about what your life together could be like, his emotional walls won’t stand a chance.
5) Discuss how you can rebuild your relationship
After you’ve managed to get this far, the next thing you ought to do is to maintain good communication. And that means being honest.
You’ve wasted enough time already, and you’re not getting any younger. So talk about the things that had ruined your previous relationship and try to negotiate a way to avoid making those mistakes again.
But more important than feelings, is your willingness to make it work again.
Sure you still like each other, but is it enough reason to rebuild your relationship? Are you both willing to give it another shot? What changes are you willing to make?
Make sure you communicate well. Say what you have to say, but say it nicely. Listen with both ears. Add some humor if needed.
If he’s not willing to get back together, then there’s nothing much you can do.
If you both want another shot at your relationship, then you have the whole day, and the next, and the rest of your lives to work on how you can make things better for both of you.
In this article, I talked about whether giving him some space will make him come back, and how you can find your own answer to that question.
But you probably need more than that. You want to make actual actionable steps that would convince him to come back to you, and for that the best person to turn to is Brad Browning.
No matter how ugly the breakup was, how hurtful the arguments were, he’s developed a couple of unique techniques to not only get your ex back but to keep them for good.
So, if you’re tired of missing your ex and want to start afresh with them, I’d highly recommend checking out his incredible advice.