Why do I attract insecure guys? 7 possible reasons

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If you ever wonder:  “Why do I keep attracting insecure guys?” or “Why am I constantly in a relationship with that kind of person?”…

Then this article is made just right for you!

You have no idea how many insecure guys you have dated. It is like an epidemic! You are constantly meeting insecure men and wondering why the hell this loop never ends.

Don’t worry!

Your answer will be nowhere else but in this article. Let’s dive into 7 possible reasons why you attract insecure guys:

1) Your self-esteem is low

Insecure men tend to have low self-esteem.

And, if your self-esteem is low, it is predictable that you may attract men who have low self-esteem as well.

The fact of the matter is:

People are more drawn to those who share the same attitudes, characteristics, or energy.

Self-esteem is a measure of how much you love and accept yourself.

You can ask yourself these 3 questions to know if your self-esteem is low:

  • Do you feel good about yourself?
  • Do you value and appreciate yourself?

Is the answer no?

If so, let’s face this:

Low self-esteem can change how you perceive yourself, leading to distorted thinking that can cause you to feel inferior or unworthy.

When this happens, you are more likely to accept negative messages from others and to see yourself as less capable and deserving of respect.

As a result, if you have low self-esteem, you may find yourself constantly dating men who have insecurities and low self-esteem as well.

They may be attracted to your low self-esteem because they see it as a reflection of themselves.

So, what can you do to feel better about yourself?

The answer is:

You have to see the good in you!

The key is to focus on your strengths and positive qualities rather than just your weaknesses. You need to see that you are worthy as an individual.

2) You are scared to be lonely

You constantly feel in need of having someone to be with purely because you feel lonely and lost.

This one can be a real problem for many women, and you may be no exception.

However, unfortunately, it turns out to be the reason why you keep dating low-quality men, including insecure guys.

We, as human beings, need love, affection, and attention just to feel fulfilled.

Sometimes, you may find yourself in the case where you feel so lonely that you just target any men who come across your life.

Do not worry!

You are not alone!

As human beings, most of us can’t stand feeling lonely and rejected, as a result, we look for opportunities that can help us to overcome our anxiety at all costs.

This is why you constantly find yourself in the arms of someone who isn’t that good for you.

The fact of the matter is:

Finding someone who holds good traits and matches you well is hard, but in contrast, it is not that hard to meet the opposite ones.

Just because you want to be with someone and don’t want to be alone anymore, you may eventually end up with an insecure man who is also feeling insecure to be alone like you as well.

So, you just instantly grab any man, including insecure men instead of taking your time to look for the right one who can give us exactly what you need in a relationship.

I understand that you want to escape from your loneliness as soon as possible, however, don’t risk jumping into a relationship without having a certain amount of time to get to know each other.

You want to be with someone because you don’t want to feel lonely anymore.

You do this because we feel like no one else will love us or that no one else will want to be with you.

But in this way, you are just wasting your time and energy with insecure men.

3) You actually make your partners insecure

This reason rarely happens; however, it is still a worthy one to mention!

At first, your guy was confident and secure.

However, over time, he seems to act in an insecure way that you can not explain.

Have you noticed it happened repeatedly over your relationships?

Then, perhaps there isn’t anything wrong with him. What I mean is that he is not insecure by nature or used not to be like that.

The actual problem is that you may have made him that way.

Your actions, behavior, and attitudes may have inadvertently been responsible for the insecure behavior of your partners.

Here are some of the reasons why you make your partners insecure:

  • You may talk a lot but don’t listen to your partner at all.
  • You may be too busy with your own business but not paying enough attention to his needs.
  • You seem happier with someone else than you are in the relationship.
  • Your words and actions may make him feel insecure about the relationship in general or the future of the relationship.

In this way, maybe your boyfriend thinks your relationship has more problems than he expects.

Maybe he is insecure by thinking that you are cheating on him by being with another guy or that the relationship is on the edge of ending.

It is essential to realize that your actions or attitudes may adversely affect other people’s behavior and feelings.

Therefore, you must be aware of it so you can change it!

While this article explores the main reasons why you attract insecure guys, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

Relationships can be confusing and frustrating. Sometimes you’ve hit a wall and you really don’t know what to do next.

I’ve always been skeptical about getting outside help, until I actually tried it out.

Relationship Hero is the best resource I’ve found for love coaches who aren’t just talk. They have seen it all, and they know all about how to tackle difficult situations like insecure problems.

Personally, I tried them last year while going through the mother of all crises in my own love life. They managed to break through the noise and give me real solutions.

My coach was kind, they took the time to really understand my unique situation, and gave genuinely helpful advice.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

Click here to check them out.

4) You are easy to be manipulated

Some insecure guys are good at reading people; what I really mean here is their talent for manipulation.

You attract him because he knows exactly what buttons to push in order to get you to give in and satisfy his needs.

Yes, you read that right!

The fact that you are prone to be manipulated makes him attracted to you.

It usually happens if you have problems with saying no and setting boundaries.

Or in short, you are a pleaser!

You may feel like you should do everything to make him happy.

You are willing to make him delighted at all costs.

Or you may just be plain gullible and naive, which allows him to easily take advantage of you.

But here’s the thing:

Once he realizes that he can manipulate you at ease, he will never stop doing so.

They may be able to know your thoughts and read emotions so well that they know how to manipulate you whenever they want to get what they desire.

They know that you may be hesitant to leave the relationship or break up with them, so they take advantage of your hesitancy in order to make you keep staying with them.

So, all you have to do is to stay CONSCIOUS!

Be aware that he is just using you as a tool for his own benefit and happiness.


Because it is his only way to feel better about himself.

As we all know, an insecure man believes he is not worthy of love, respect and appreciation.

Therefore, they try to get these things in the wrong ways using manipulation.

They want to control you and make you feel inferior so that they can feel more powerful, less insecure, and worthy of love.

They are being deceptive with their charm and emotional manipulation.

5) You have no idea of what you want in a lover

It is hard to find a perfect lover. This is why many of us struggle with finding the right person.

Sure, you may want to date someone.

However, the fact of the matter is:

You may not even know well what you desire in an ideal lover.

You attract the wrong guys purely because you don’t know what you want in a lover.


That is because you only find your other half solely based on your emotional feelings without having any logical thoughts to consider.

What I mean is that:

The problem is you let your heart decide completely without having the participation of your mind.

As a result, you constantly find yourself falling into low-quality relationships with the wrong ones, including insecure men.

For example, you might want someone who can make you feel good on a daily basis or you just instantly want to have someone to talk to.

Therefore, you just grab any chances that pass by in order to have someone to satisfy your contemporary needs, which leads to the fact that that random guy isn’t fit your type at all.

When this happens, there is a high possibility that you will just attract the insecure man again.

And this will turn out to be an endless loop if you do not know exactly what certain personalities or positive traits you look for in a lover.

It is hard to find a perfect guy, though, in fact, it is still possible.

All you need to do is:

Take your time to learn yourself and list out things you desire in an ideal lover who can match you best!

Yes, this takes time! But trust me, it is worthy after all!

You will need to put in the effort and attention for you to change your love life positively and get yourself a wonderful lover.

Sounds appealing, doesn’t it?

In this way, you may end up with a mature partner who will treat you well, make you feel good, and bring something special into your life.

The fact that you attract insecure guys means that you are struggling with your emotions and need to work on your issues before being able to date again.

So, in order not to end up dating the wrong person, again and again, REMEMBER:

Let your mind work along with your heart when it comes to choosing your other half!

6) You are a “helpmate”!!!

Some insecure guys desire what I call a “helpmate” deep down.

Or In other words:

They want a person who will always be there to help them with everything.


Fact is:

  • Insecure men have the tendency to look for a woman who will take care of them and whom they can lean on.
  • They want women who will drop everything for them and make sure they have everything they need at all times.
  • These guys are looking for someone to worship them and give them unconditional love.

After all, as a “helpmate”, you are a helpful partner, which makes them feel secure to some extent when being beside you.

Yes, you help ease their insecurity!

They may talk a good game, but behind closed doors, they are insecure, needy, and clingy. And it is no wonder why.

Now, if there is a woman who can (or wants to) constantly supply them with help and security, then she is absolute “the one” for them.

So, if you find yourself a “helpmate”, there is no doubt that you will always attract insecure men.

If you’re dealing with constantly finding yourself being insecure guys’ “helpmate”, have you considered getting to the root of the issue?

You see, most of our shortcomings in love stem from our own complicated inner relationship with ourselves – how can you fix the external without seeing to the internal first?

I learned this from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, in his incredible free video on Love and Intimacy.

So, if you want to improve the relationships you have with others and rescue yourself from being a “helpmate” or pleaser, start with yourself.

Check out the free video here.

You’ll find practical solutions and much more in Rudá’s powerful video, solutions that’ll stay with you for life.

7) Your communication skill is poor

It is your weak communication skill that attracts insecure men.


That is because you are not able to communicate what you really want and fail to speak up for yourself; therefore, there will be fewer chances they will feel inferior in front of you.

As a result, your poor communication skill allows insecure men to feel confident and secure to some extent.

Believe it or not.

You are attracting others by a negative trait of yours.

Yes, you read that right!

I understand that sometimes, you just don’t want to say anything straightforward for fear of hurting your partner’s feelings, which leads to the fact that you turn out to be their pleaser.

As I have mentioned, a pleaser is an ideal type of person for insecure men’s lovers.

Therefore, being a pleaser means that you are a “delicious target” of insecure men!

I understand that it is never easy to say what we want. That is why many of us have issues with communication.

However, if you keep quiet and endure on your own, things will even become worse.

This will only allow him to feel entitled and confident whenever being with you, ONLY AROUND YOU.

He finds you his comfort zone!

The longer you don’t talk to your partner about what you want or speak for yourself, the more powerful he feels.

If you don’t try to improve your communication skill and be honest with your partner about your desire, strictly speaking, you will continue to attract other insecure ones.

You might be so used to your poor communication skill and keeping silent that you don’t try to put effort into making differences for your good.

Yes, it takes courage!

So, if you want things to be different in your love life or desire to escape from insecure men, it is worth changing yourself and improving your communication skill.

So what can you do about it?

Here are something you can do:

  • Be open with yourself and your partner in a relationship.
  • Do not be afraid to communicate your desires to your partner and speak up for yourself whenever you need to.
  • Do not run away from fights (arguments or problems).

In conclusion

There are several reasons why you attract insecure guys into your life. Whatever the reason, it can be difficult to break the pattern to change your love life.

However, it is worth devoting efforts to making baby steps towards happiness – your happily ever after love life!

I hope that after having read through every single reason in this article, you have found yourself in one of those cases and figured out the cause of your attraction to insecure men.

Trust me! Every problem is solvable as long as you find out the deep-rooted reason for it.