Why can’t I commit to a relationship (13 reasons why)

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| Last Updated: September 12, 2022

Do you often find yourself in relationships that don’t go anywhere? Are you the type of person who finds it almost impossible to commit to a relationship?

If so, then we completely understand your plight.

Trust us! These things happen for a reason. There is always a very specific reason why we can’t commit to someone.

When you are able to figure out the reason, you can then solve this problem effectively.

13 reasons why it’s hard to commit to a relationship

1) You aren’t consistent with your choice

You don’t have your own opinion and you are often affected by others’. You don’t fight for what you want.

It’s really hard to commit to someone if you don’t know exactly how you feel about it.

It’s too hard to decide if you’re ready to commit when you’re not sure. You might feel uncertain about the decision.

You might be scared of what others would think or say about your choice.

If you believe that the other person is right for you, be consistent in showing them how much they mean to you.

Don’t give up when things are not going your way. Keep trying! Don’t wait until it is too late!

You must be consistent with your choice; otherwise, you won’t be able to commit to any relationship.

2) You don’t know what you want in your partner

Maybe you are confused about what kind of person you want to find.

Whatever the case may be, if you can’t figure out what type of people you would like to commit and make you feel secure in love, then this is a problem for sure.

It is just like wandering around meaninglessly without knowing the destination.

You may be stuck in an endless cycle of breakup and end up asking:

“Why can’t I commit to a relationship?”

Self-discovery is probably the most crucial thing to do before you start dating. Before getting to know someone else, you must first discover and define yourself.

Love and understand yourself first before trying to do the same thing with others.

You may have heard this advice a million times.

Trust me! It’s always right!

Only when you have a good understanding of yourself, can you find your “Mr/Ms. Right”.

When you have a better understanding of yourself, you’ll be able to recognize the types of personalities that will be a better match for you.

3) You have trust issues

Trust issues are very common in people who are having relationship problems.

You don’t trust your partner that they will be loyal to you. You doubt that your partner will cheat on you in the future.

Does this sound like you?

As trust and loyalty is the key to maintaining a relationship, then it’s really hard for you to commit to a relationship.

You can’t fully give yourself confidence in the relationship and overcome your trust issues.

Having a hard time committing shows a lack of trust not just in yourself but also in your partner.

Let’s be honest about you having experienced various relationship issues.

It’s not easy. It’s enough to make you want to give up on love and walk away. 

But I want to suggest a solution. You have all the tools you need to do this right now, right where you are. 

I learnt about this from the modern-day shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me how the lies we tell ourselves about love are part of what trap us in things like trust issues. 

As Rudá explains in this transformational free video, love is available to us if we cut through the lies that we tell ourselves. 

We need to face the facts about trust issues and love. 

The alternative is to end up in loveless relationships or endless dating frustration that only leaves us cold and empty. 

The alternative is to be sunk in stagnant codependency and completely unable to resolve things like infidelity. 

Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective. 

While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to overcome trust issues and avoid infidelity. 

If you’re done with wasting your time on love that doesn’t work, I invite you to watch this short video and open your mind to new possibilities. 

Click here to watch the free video.

4) You don’t see a bright future in your current relationship

Maybe because after dating each other, you find your personalities, interests, or mindset and your partner’s don’t match each other.

Or maybe you don’t see a future in your partner’s career and financial ability, making you feel unstable about your life with him/her after marriage.

Or perhaps there are other common relationship issues such as infidelity, ineffective communication, and so forth.

All of these things can make it hard for you to commit to your relationship.

If you have been dating for a while and still feel that you don’t see a future with your partner, then it is not normal to continue dating them either.

You will have to face the truth soon. Breakup!


It’s better to end things soon to save both your and your partner’s time. Then find another partner that makes you feel safe and secure to commit to.

You need someone who is willing to work hard and make sacrifices for the future so that you can have a bright life together.

5) You get bored easily and need constant excitement

You might be trying to commit but gets bored easily. You’re always looking for something exciting and stimulating.

Trust me, I know how you feel!

I admit that I’ve had this issue at one point in my life and it causes a lot of problems in my relationships.

You may think that finding a new person who can continuously provide you with excitement is the solution to your boredom and commitment issues.

This is why you keep moving from one relationship to another.


It’s not going to work out because everybody has their bad days and moments.

It’s okay to get bored with your partner!

The point is that you must make an effort to support each other in the relationship and try to change for the better as well.

Think of how you can handle the situation in a positive way!

6) Your standards are too high and nobody measures up

This can be your fault to some degree. You set the bar so high that nobody will ever be able to meet it.

Why? There are a lot of reasons.

Maybe because you have experience dating with a lot of people and a good number of relationships didn’t work out for you.

Or maybe you have seen dating in movies, so you have expectations that are way too high in reality.

Or perhaps, you believe that there is always a better replacement, leading to the fact that you don’t treasure the recent person.

Again, this only ends up in an endless cycle of breakup!

Dating will be more stressful than enjoying if you set the standards too high.

This doesn’t mean that you should settle for less, but adjust your standards to be more realistic.

Let me tell you a little secret: It’s not as hard as it seems. You’ll find someone that can meet your standard if you are open-minded.

7) You have an unhappy family background

This may sound irrelevant but actually, they really link together.

It is one of the most common reasons for people not to commit.

The fact is that you may have a lot of reasons to not commit, but if your family background is less than perfect, then your heart might be broken from it.

Maybe you are afraid that you will end up with another unhappy family background story like yours!

If your parents had a bad marriage or are divorced, you may be afraid of repeating the same pattern with your own relationship.

This can be one of the reasons to prevent you from committing to a serious relationship or marriage.

If that’s the case, I highly recommend this free breathwork video, created by the shaman, Rudá Iandê. 

Rudá isn’t another self-professed life coach. Through shamanism and his own life journey, he’s created a modern-day twist to ancient healing techniques. 

The exercises in his invigorating video combine years of breathwork experience and ancient shamanic beliefs, designed to help you relax and check in with your body and soul.

After many years of suppressing my emotions, Rudá’s dynamic breathwork flow quite literally revived that connection. 

And that’s what you need:

A spark to reconnect you with your feelings so that you can begin focusing on the most important relationship of all – the one you have with yourself.

So if you’re ready to say goodbye to anxiety and stress, check out his genuine advice below. 

Click here to watch the free video.

8) You are trying to duplicate your parents’ love

In contrast to the upper case. You may live in an extremely happy and loving family.

Therefore, you might be so obsessed and admire your parents’ romantic relationship that you want to commit to someone who is just like your dad/mom.

This is a big mistake!

You may want to find someone just like your parents, but you should try to be yourself and not to force yourself into a mold of what you think love should be.

Only you know what love is for you!

You can only find out which person is the one to love by trying to get to know him or her. Your parents’ love is always your first reference point, but don’t always compare yourself to how your parents feel about each other.

9) You have been hurt before and lost trust in love

If you have experienced a breakup, you’re not the only one.

Maybe your previous relationships haven’t ended well so you are too scared to take a risk in a new relationship.

It’s understandable that if you’ve been through a painful experience in love before, you will be hesitant to get into another relationship.

You may want to protect your heart and not let it be broken again.

Love is a very intimate and vulnerable feeling. You need to trust that the other person will care for you and respect you.

It is certainly normal to not trust your partner 100% because nobody is perfect.

However, if you cannot even trust them a little bit, you may not be able to commit to any new relationship.

Don’t let the mistakes of your past control your future!

I know it’s hard, but you need to learn how to love again!

You deserve to be loved, just like anyone else. You will be able to commit to love again if your desire is strong enough!

10) You haven’t got over your ex yet!

Maybe you still have feelings for your ex. You can’t move on because your brain is still stuck in the past. You are probably still hoping to get back with them at some point if there is a chance. 

Therefore, you are unable to start any romantic relationship with a new one. Or even you have already in a relationship with someone but are still unsure about your thoughts and feelings.

You cannot rescue yourself from negative thoughts and feelings due to your toxic relationship in the past.

This prevents you from looking towards a new relationship or committing to your current relationship.

You need to tell yourself that you have to move on. Breakup is just a type of loss and your ex-lover is just the past.

It takes time and effort, but the result is worth it!

However, if you think your ex-lover is the one you want to commit to. Then it is totally normal to be still in love with them and find ways to get them back.

So how can you get your ex back?

In this situation, there’s only one thing to do – re-spark their romantic interest in you.

I learned about this from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.

In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.

No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.

Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do this.

11) You don’t make any effort at all when being in a relationship

If you’re acting like a friend to your partner and not being honest about your feelings, then you won’t be able to reach a commitment.

If you’re not putting any effort, it won’t work.

It is not all about big presents on special occasions. Money isn’t everything!

You can still make the time and effort to attend important dates with your partner.

Take one step at a time.

Make an effort at getting closer to your partner by going out with him or her. Try different activities together. You can do this by taking a walk, cooking together, or simply watching TV together.

The possibilities are endless!

Relationships are not so easy and convenient that all you need is a phone call and text message every now and then. You must spend time together.

When you spare your time with your partner, you are showing that he/she is special to you.

12) You don’t feel like it is the right time yet

Youth, career, and finance are the most important things in life.

You want to spend your youth experiencing, travelling, and exploring various things.

You want to have a successful career with a salary first. Or maybe you are at the peak of your career so you want to spend more time working rather than dating.

You want to earn as much money as possible so you can be financially stable.

To sum up, you think you don’t have time to commit to a relationship.

So when do you get the time to build a loving relationship?

Everyone has their own opinion about when is the right time to start a relationship. But if you ask us, it is never too late to start dating again!

Yes, you read that right!

You may feel like you are not at a point where you are ready to commit to a relationship. Maybe you have a lot of things going on in your life that need your attention for now.

You can commit to a relationship whenever you feel physically and mentally ready!

13) Your culture and your partner’s don’t match

You and your partner may come from different nations, races, or religions. However, you may be thinking that this can’t work out.

For example, if you are a Christian and the other person is Muslim, you may feel that you are incompatible.

It is true that there are some basic values and principles in all cultures. However, you must be aware that every culture has some differences.

Embrace the differences!

Don’t let these differences affect your relationship too deeply!

You may learn a lot from each other!

If they care about you, they will respect your feelings and beliefs, just like how you should respect theirs.

You may have a lot of reasons to believe that your relationship won’t last because of your cultural differences. However, that’s not necessarily the case.

I’m not saying it’s easy to commit to someone you have a different culture. But it’s worth the try!

In conclusion

The point of this article is to help you make clearer decisions regarding your commitment issues.

You might have had a lot of doubts and worries regarding commitment. However, reading this article will help you gain more awareness and information with regard to this matter.

If you’re genuinely ready to commit to someone, you’ll know when you get there because you’ll never look back.

There’s no perfect person, so committing means accepting imperfections and working on the relationship day-to-day.

Be committed! Be true! And don’t give up on love and relationships!