12 signs your ex doesn’t want to be friends (even if you agreed to be)

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.
| Last Updated: July 30, 2022

After a breakup, some former partners are indeed ready and willing to be friends afterwards.

Others may have been just saying those words to avoid hurting your feelings or as part of their strategy for moving on more quickly. 

If you’ve broken up with your ex-partner recently, you may wonder if they truly want to be friends now.

Here are 12 telltale signs your ex doesn’t want to be friends even if you agreed to be:

1) They’re constantly doing things that trigger you.

You agreed to be friends, but you’re constantly feeling upset around your ex. 

They know exactly what to say and do to upset you. 

And if they’re constantly doing things that trigger you, it’s possibly a sign your ex doesn’t want to be friends with you. 

If you’re constantly triggered by your ex and they never stop doing things that hurt you, then they don’t want to be friends. 

They want to hurt you.

No wonder!

If you’re trying so hard to move on from your breakup, but your ex keeps triggering you with their behavior, it’s almost impossible to enjoy a friendship with them. 

2) They blow off your invitations and don’t follow through on plans.

If your ex blows off every invitation you send and never plans on meeting with you, it’s clearly a sign that they don’t want to be friends with you. 

They’re too busy to meet up with you because they’re still trying to move on. Possibly, they want to get over their breakup as quickly as possible.

If they’re unwilling to meet with you, then it’s unlikely that they want to continue being friends with you.

There’s a difference between being forgetful and blowing you off. 

If they cancel plans with you at the last minute and have a really lame excuse, they might not want to be your friend. 

They may be blowing you off because they don’t want to go out with you or be your friend at all.

They don’t want anything to do with you.

3) They respond to your texts with one-word answers or emojis only.

If you send your ex a message and they respond with one word or an emoji, that’s another sign they don’t really want to continue being friends with you. 

They might use that behavior as a short-cut to ending conversations with you or telling you how they feel.

They might not mean to hurt your feelings with their one-word answers. 

But, if they respond with an emoji, it’s pretty obvious that they don’t want to be friends with you. 

When you send a message and don’t hear back from your ex, it’s perfectly reasonable to assume they don’t want to talk to you. 

If they don’t want to be your friend, they might not be as invested in the friendship as you are. They might just be going through the motions so they don’t hurt you. 

Assuming they want to be friends when they really don’t can only put you in an awkward situation.

Wanna know more?

If you’re dealing with your ex not wanting to be friends with you, have you considered getting to the root of the issue?

You see, most of our shortcomings in love stem from our own complicated inner relationship with ourselves – how can you fix the external without seeing to the internal first? 

I learned this from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, in his incredible free video on Love and Intimacy

So, if you want to improve the relationships you have with others and solve the problem when your ex doesn’t want to be friends with you, start with yourself.

Check out the free video here.

You’ll find practical solutions and much more in Rudá’s powerful video, solutions that’ll stay with you for life.

4) They don’t listen to what you have to say and get defensive easily.

If your ex always has something to say about what you have to say and gets defensive when you have differing opinions, it might be because they want to be the one in control of the relationship. 

They might like having the upper hand and not feeling ready to let you in. 

If your ex doesn’t show any interest in what you have to say and only wants to share their thoughts and feelings, it’s possible that they don’t want to be your friend. 

You may not realize it, but many of these signs are the same as when you don’t have feelings for someone romantically anymore. 

If your ex doesn’t want to be friends with you, they may just not be ready to move past the breakup. 

They might still be grieving the loss of your relationship and not be able to be friends with you yet. 

Give them time to heal and confront their feelings.

5) They continue to treat you the same way they did before the breakup.

If your ex acts the same with you as they did when you were dating, chances are they don’t want to be friends with you. 

They’re not treating you differently because that might lead to you getting hurt.

So, they’re treating you the same way they used to treat you before the breakup.

It doesn’t feel like they want a friendship with you if they don’t treat you differently than they did when you were dating. 

It just feels like they’re back in a romantic relationship with you, even though that may not be what’s actually happening.

They never really learned how to respect you. 

They may have continued treating you in a similar fashion because they were afraid of how their new behavior might make you feel. 

Sadly, many people who break up intentionally hurt their partners by continuing to treat them like they did when the relationship was still going strong.

They might still be grieving the loss of your relationship and not be able to be friends with you yet. 

If they still want to get romantically involved with you or try to continue a relationship in some other form, it’s not fair for them to keep pushing for more than you’re willing to give.

6) Your ex doesn’t invite you to social events they attend with other friends.

If your ex truly wants to be your friend, they’ll want to include you in their social life. 

They’ll invite you to the parties they go to, and they’ll try to have you meet their friends, too. 

If your ex is really trying to maintain a friendship with you, they’ll also try to include you in any plans they may have with their other friends. 

They might suggest you go out with them and the people they’re currently dating, or they might ask you to spend time with just their friends without any romantic attachments. 

If your ex is trying to keep you away from their social life, though, it’s a red flag that they really don’t want to be your friend at all. 

They may be keeping you away from their social life because they’re embarrassed about their breakup or they just don’t want you to see them with their new partner. 

It could also mean that they have started a new relationship and they don’t want you to know about it yet, or that they’re trying to “protect” their new partner from a romantic connection with you.

Think about it!

While this article explores the main signs your ex doesn’t want to be friends (even if you agreed to be), it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.

With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…

Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like when your ex doesn’t want to be friends with you, even if you agreed to be. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.

How do I know?

Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

7) You feel like your relationship is constantly being discussed behind your back.

If your ex truly wants to be friends with you, they won’t constantly be talking about your relationship and your break up behind your back. 

They may mention it once or twice in passing, but they won’t be constantly talking about your relationship like it’s a juicy episode of a TV show on Netflix. 

If your ex is constantly discussing your relationship with their friends, it might be that they feel like they have to defend their decision to break up with you. 

It could also mean that they’re trying to get rid of any feelings for you and the best way to do that is to constantly talk about you or your relationship. 

If you’re the topic of conversation often, it’s best to let your ex know that you’d rather not be brought up in these situations. 

If you don’t feel comfortable approaching them about it, you can also talk to a friend that you trust and ask them to approach your ex on your behalf.

8) Your ex doesn’t respond when you reach out to them.

If your ex-partner wants to be friends, they should respond to you when you reach out to them. If you invite them to do something, they should respond. 

If you send them a text or an email, they should respond. 

If your ex doesn’t respond to you at all, it could mean a few things. 

It could mean that they want to be friends with you, but they’re just very forgetful and they’re not able to respond to your messages. 

What’s more?

It could mean they don’t care enough to respond to your messages and they don’t want to be friends with you. 

It could also mean that they have started a new relationship and they don’t want you to know about it yet, or that they’re trying to “protect” their new partner from a romantic connection with you. 

It’s also possible that your ex has tried to respond to you but they’re getting blocked by their internet service provider, or that their phone service provider is blocking their messages from getting out. 

If your ex isn’t responding to you, it’s best to give them a call and ask them about it.

9) They don’t respect your boundaries.

A good friend respects your boundaries, even if they don’t understand them. 

If your ex-partner doesn’t respect your boundaries, though, it could mean that they don’t really want to be friends with you at all. 

Your boundaries will vary from person to person, but some examples of boundaries are not wanting to be contacted at certain times of the day, not wanting to be contacted certain days of the week, not wanting to be contacted on certain subjects, or not wanting to be contacted at all until a certain amount of time has passed. 

If your ex doesn’t respect these boundaries, they may just be trying to push them. 

They may be trying to see if they can push you to the point where you’ll break the boundaries and respond to them out of frustration. 

They may be trying to make you angry so that you’ll end the friendship and they can stop pretending like they want to be friends.

10) They’re still contacting you and it feels weird.

If your ex wants to be your friend, they may still contact you and want to see you from time to time. 

However, if their contact with you has become strange, it could mean that they don’t really want to be friends with you at all. 

They might be contacting you often but they’re only contacting you on topics that you don’t want to discuss. 

They might be contacting you frequently but you’re only wanting to talk to them about basic things like the weather, your health, and your kids. 

Your ex may be contacting you very often but you just don’t feel like talking to them. 

Yes, It’s true!

You know that you’re not supposed to be friends, but you feel like you have no choice but to engage in their constant contact. 

This could be a sign that they don’t want to be your friend after all.

11) You can tell that they still have feelings for someone else.

If your ex wants to be friends with you, they probably aren’t harboring romantic feelings for someone else. 

If your ex does have romantic feelings for someone else, though, that could be why they want to be friends with you. 

They might not have the confidence to pursue a romantic relationship with someone else, but they may know that they can be your friend to get their needs met. 

They might be trying to use you as a way to get the attention they need, the sex they crave, or the emotional support they desire.

They might also be trying to use you as a way to deflect attention away from their new relationship. 

If your ex still has romantic feelings for someone else after they break up with you, don’t expect that they’ll ever want to be just friends with you.

12) You can tell that they’re quickly moving on.

If your ex is moving on from their previous relationship quickly, it could be that they want to get rid of their feelings for you as quickly as possible. 

It could be that they want to move on to someone new and don’t want you to get in the way. 

It could also be that they just aren’t interested in being friends with you at all. 

If your ex has broken up with you recently and they want to be friends, it doesn’t mean that they don’t want to hurt you or that they’re ready to move on completely.

What does it actually mean?

It just means that they’re trying to do what they can to minimize their pain and get on with their lives more quickly.

If your ex wants to be friends, that’s great, but don’t take it as an invitation to try to win them back. 

Friendships are great and you should always be open to making new friends, but you don’t want to push yourself on the other person. 

Try to let the friendship happen naturally and don’t force yourself into the other person’s life.

It’s a little bit disappointing when your ex doesn’t want to keep in touch with you or be friends with you even though you agreed to be. 

But don’t worry, there are 3 things you can do if you fall into this tough situation.

1) Give them time and space.

Give them time and space to think about their decision. 

Don’t try to push them into making a decision, because they might change their minds and realize that they were wrong in the end. 

If you push too hard, though, it could lead your ex to resent you for being so aggressive and demanding. 

They probably can’t hold their feelings when talking to you so they try to avoid you at all cost, and don’t want to be friends with you.

They are just too overwhelmed and they need time to relax and think about whether it’s good or bad to be friends with you.

Give them a day or two to realize how much they care about you before you do anything else.

2) Talk to other friends.

On the other hand, there might be some reasons why your ex doesn’t want to become friends with you anymore. 

Maybe they found someone else, or maybe they no longer want anything to do with you. 

Talk to other friends and find out if this is true; don’t just believe everything your ex says. 

If it’s true that your ex doesn’t want to talk to you anymore, then respect their wishes by not contacting them ever again.

3) Focus on yourself.

You broke up with your ex, but they are still your ex. 

They are still hurting from their own break up as well; you don’t want to be their new girlfriend or boyfriend, so focus on yourself for a little bit. 

If your ex wants to be friends after the break up, that’s good and fine. 

Don’t push them into being friends with you because they don’t feel like it; they just need time to heal a bit. 

Instead, focus on yourself more and be the best version of yourself. Just temporarily forget your ex.

If they don’t want to talk to you anymore, it’s fine, just don’t care about it.

Start to care more about yourself. 

Final thoughts:

It’s normal to feel a lot of emotions when you break up with your ex

Sometimes, you might want to contact them and be friends with them again, but it’s important to know that it’s never too late for you two to be friends if they truly want it. 

Your ex may have feelings for someone else, or they could still be frustrated over the breakup and aren’t ready to have anything more than a friendship with you yet.

So if you still wonder whether your ex wants to keep in touch with you after a breakup or not, there are 12 common signs that they don’t want to be friends with you anymore, even if you agreed to be.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published.