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A manipulative mother-in-law is a huge problem that can lead to all sorts of issues for you and your partner.
Luckily, there are a few ways to deal with the manipulative mother-in-law.
In this article, I will go over 21 ways that you can do to help find your way through this difficult time.
Want to see how it works right now?
So, let’s get started!
1) Develop strategies before you start.
The best way to avoid manipulation by a manipulative mother-in-law is to develop a strategy before you deal with her.
You can determine what approach you will use to deal with her, so that you won’t have to react in any way.
There are various ways that you can do this:
- Write down all your thoughts and feelings about your mother-in-law in an orderly fashion on a piece of paper, and then put it away for the moment.
- Get the opinion of someone that you trust and is objective.
Unfortunately, people who are manipulative don’t change their behavior easily so be prepared to get through this long process.
2) Get rid of any gifts given by your mother-in-law.
You may find yourself in a situation where a manipulative mother-in-law has given you some gifts as a means of controlling and manipulating you.
You need to avoid discussing anything about gifts with her at all.
If she asks you questions about them, then tell her that you have already received the gift or that you have already given it away or donated it.
In this way, she will not be able to get a read on what your current situation is.
That also means she will not be able to manipulate you in any way.
3) Learn your partner’s family rules as quickly as possible.
As I mentioned above, avoid reacting in any way when dealing with your partner’s mother because she will try to get you to do it by using the shock factor on you.
She will put a lot of pressure on you to get you to react and then she can use it against you.
This will enable you to avoid her slights and manipulations easier since you will know what she may say or do and how this may affect you.
Learn how to get along with the rest of your partner’s family, so that they view you in a positive way.
By doing this, you can have the whole family on your side when dealing with the manipulative mother-in-law.
4) Keep a record of conversations with your mother-in-law.
You need to do this so that you are able to write down all of the manipulative things that she tries to do and keeps on doing it against you.
This way, you can later use them against her in order to get her behavior and strategy under control.
It is also important for you to keep a record of what she has said to you ahead of time so that you don’t let yourself react in any way.
Be sure not to discuss any issues or plans with her until after this conversation is over and then only inform your partner about it after he or she has been consulted with.
This way, she will not be able to create any problems between the two of you.
5) Learn how to communicate effectively.
The key thing that manipulative mother-in-law’s are good at is using talk as a way to manipulate people.
This means that if you do not allow her to control the conversation or if she tries to make you follow through with a fake order, then this will just make her angrier and more determined to manipulate you.
So, try to avoid that.
In addition, keep track of what she says because she might not mean it that way.
6) Be prepared for attacks.
When dealing with a manipulative mother-in-law, there will be attacks.
She will try to get you to respond to her in the most threatening way possible.
In addition, she wants you to believe that everything that she says is correct and believable.
She also wants you to believe everything that she claims happened in your past without any proof or documentation.
You will find out that you will need to keep your cool when dealing with a manipulative mother-in-law.
In fact, her whole game plan is based on getting you to get angry and lash out.
This is how she gets what she wants and one of the reasons why you have to stay calm at all times when dealing with this type of person.
Always remember that if you lose it, then she wins and that your relationship is still on the line.
The best way for you to avoid this attack is being prepared for it in advance.
7) Refuse any financial help from her.
One of the strategies that manipulative mother-in-law’s use is to offer financial help as a way of trying to manipulate you.
If you refuse it, then she will get angrier and do anything in order to make you take her help.
In addition, she may also use it as a way of trying to control you because she will think that if she gives this financial help then this will mean that everything is in her control.
I recommend that you turn down any financial help from her and instead focus on making your relationship with your partner better on your own.
8) Take care of your physical health and don’t give up on yourself.
When dealing with a manipulative mother-in-law, it is vital that you take care of your physical well-being at all times.
Take time for yourself to get your mind off things by exercising, walking the dog, or doing something in which you can take your thoughts elsewhere.
In addition, try to make sure that you eat a healthy diet and get enough sleep every night so that you are as equipped to deal with this as possible.
I know it’s not easy for you to be in this situation.
It’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way because we’re not taught how to love ourselves first.
So, if you want to solve your problem, I’d recommend starting with yourself first and taking Rudá’s incredible advice.
Here’s a link to the free video once again.
9) Put some distance between you and your mother-in-law.
With all the manipulative tactics of a manipulative mother-in-law, they will always try to get you to engage in heated arguments or even physical fights with them.
The best way for you to get away from her is by putting some distance between the two of you.
In fact, you need to find ways that you can avoid her as much as possible.
If there are places where you can go, then do so.
If there are people that you can spend time with, then do so.
Do whatever it takes to get some distance between the two of you so that she doesn’t try to convince you of her manipulative tactics anymore.
10) Avoid discussing your partner with her.
A manipulative mother-in-law will try to convince you that she knows all about your partner and what she needs.
In this way, she tries to use your lack of information about your partner against him or her in order to manipulate you into a situation where you will have no other option but to defend him or her from her attack.
She will try to convince you that her opinion is the best or only one that matters.
However, the best thing for you to do is to avoid having discussions with her about your partner at all.
This way, she won’t be able to get any control over what your partner does or doesn’t do.
11) Don’t be afraid to talk to someone about it.
A lot of people don’t speak about their manipulative mother-in-law because they are afraid that other people will judge them.
However, if you feel that you cannot deal with this issue by yourself, then don’t be afraid to talk to someone about it.
Get professional help if needed.
I’ve always been skeptical about getting outside help, until I actually tried it out.
Relationship Hero is the best resource I’ve found for love coaches who aren’t just talk. They have seen it all, and they know all about how to tackle difficult situations.
Personally, I tried them last year while going through the mother of all crises in my own love life. They managed to break through the noise and give me real solutions.
My coach was kind, they took the time to really understand my unique situation, and gave genuinely helpful advice.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
12) Don’t let your partner see you as weak.
You will be tempted to let your partner see you as weak and powerless against his or her mother in order to keep the peace.
However, in doing this, you will only encourage your partner to believe that you are weak and only his or her manipulative mother can protect him or her from whatever danger they may think they are in.
It is important that you have a strong sense of yourself and do not allow her to convince you otherwise.
Try to be strong and look after yourself at all times regardless of what she does or says about it.
The best thing for you is to stand up against her manipulative tactics when she tries them on you.
You need to show that you are not going to be manipulated by them anymore.
13) Take some time off from your partner.
You may find yourself in a situation where you feel like your partner is completely in the control of his or her mother.
In this way, you feel like he or she will do whatever his or her mother wants him or her to do.
The best thing for you to do is to take some time off from your partner in order to get things under control.
Be sure not to say anything about this decision either because it would give her an opportunity to manipulate you further into doing what she wants you to do instead of what you want to do yourself
14) Keep your partner under control.
You need to make sure that you are the one who controls your partner and not the other way around.
In order to do this, you need to keep yourself away from his or her mother and any of her manipulative activities.
Do whatever it takes for you to be able to see that your relationship is better with your partner than it is with his or her mother.
Get some distance between the two of them so that they cannot manipulate you with their relationship.
15) Don’t let them make you feel bad.
It is vital that you don’t let your mother-in-laws make you feel bad about yourself.
You know what?
They will do this by blaming your partner on everything and then they will try to make you feel inadequate and inferior in front of him or her.
In fact, they will also try to make you feel like a complete failure in your own life as well as trying to take away any joy that you have left in it by making it seem like this is all because of your partner.
In addition, they will try to make you feel bad about your career, your family and even your own children.
So don’t let them make you feel bad. Because when you feel bad about yourself, then it means that you will be more prone to believe what she is saying and react in a way that will cause more problems for you and in the end even get her to manipulate your partner.
16) Try to keep yourself busy so that she cannot get a hold on what’s happening between the two of you.
You may feel like sitting down and talking with her but try not to do so because she will use this against you later if she has any further plan of manipulating the two of you.
Instead, try to keep yourself busy and busy enough that she will struggle to get a hold on what is going on between you.
You can use this as an opportunity to avoid her as much as possible.
17) Don’t allow her to get a hold of your phone calls.
A manipulative mother-in-law will try to use your phone calls with your partner against you in order to manipulate the two of you.
This way, she will be able to keep tabs on what is happening between the two of you.
You need to stop allowing the two of them to contact each other unless it is absolutely necessary that they have contact with one another.
At the same time, you should use this time to let your partner know that she has been trying to manipulate you both.
18) Accept their criticism and let it go.
You will be tempted to engage in an argument with your mother-in-law about her criticisms or her over-protection of your partner.
However, this is not a good idea at all because you will only be giving them more power and control over your relationship with them.
By giving them this type of power, you will only encourage them to continue in their manipulative tactics, which are toxic and have the potential to destroy your relationship with your partner, as well.
That is not going to happen if you can help it!
Instead, if they are criticizing something that you have done or said then accept their criticism and then let it go.
19) Don’t tell them anything about your personal life.
Your mother-in-law will try to manipulate you by getting you to tell her information about you that she can use against you later.
This includes what your goals are, how much money you make and how much debt that you have accumulated on, who your friends are, how old your kids are and what schools they go to.
You need to avoid telling this information to her at all.
However, even if she already knows it, do not tell her anything else about it unless asked directly by your partner.
20) Don’t participate in family counseling sessions with her.
You will be tempted to participate in family counseling sessions and talk about things with them because you would like to make the situation better.
However, you need to refrain from doing so because once you do this, that will give her a chance to try and control the situation as well as manipulate your conversations with other family members who are there in the room with you.
On top of that, it is also important for you not to use your mother-in-law’s manipulative tactics against her.
Once you start doing this, she will simply try and do something back to hurt you and using manipulative tactics against anyone else is only going to lead her down a path of destruction.
21) When they try to offer you advice that you don’t want, then just smile and say “No thanks.”
In this way, you will not let her manipulate you in any way.
You will find that manipulative mother-in-law’s will always try to offer you advice about your relationship with your partner.
However, these are always fake solutions.
They are only trying to manipulate you into taking action so that they can have control over the situation.
In addition, they will not be able to give you advice or help in any meaningful way because they don’t actually know what is best for your relationship with your partner either.
In order to deal with this, just smile and say ‘No thanks’ and you can even add on a “But I really appreciate your concern for my family” too.
You can seek out the relationship’s coach’ advices.
While the ways in this article will help you deal with your manipulative mother-in-law, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice tailored to the specific issues you’re facing in your love life.
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people navigate complex and difficult love situations, like dealing with manipulative mother-in-laws. They’re popular because they genuinely help people solve problems.
Why do I recommend them?
Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. After feeling helpless for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship, including practical advice on how to overcome the issues I was facing.
I was blown away by how genuine, understanding and professional they were.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice specific to your situation.
Conclusion
Manipulative mother-in-law’s can be extremely toxic and a threat to your relationship.
In order to stop this from happening, all it takes is for you to use some of the tips above and let them know that you are aware of what they are doing.
Because if they know that you recognize their manipulative tactics, then they will most likely leave you alone and move on with their lives.
Once you know, you can then apply all of those tactics against her – and win!
The more you learn about the manipulation techniques of your manipulative mother-in-law, the easier it will be for you.
And the more you know about it, the better chance you will have of defeating them.
My main goal is to help the reader become aware of their current mental condition which can be a result of an unhealthy relationship.
I hope this article has helped you to deal with manipulative mother-in-laws.
Have a great day!
