They say you can’t tell who someone really is by their words but rather their actions.
But, as for guys and being nice, sometimes it seems like the only time they’re being nice is when they want something from you.
It’s the classic nice guy act, you know the one; he’s sweet and nice on the outside, but as soon as you show him ‘the love,’ he turns into a total jerk.
So if you’re looking for a clear-cut way to gauge whether he’s just playing a part or genuinely trying to be kind, there is no shortage of subtle clues that will give him away.
Maybe we’re just too good at spotting this pattern, but after hearing so many girls’ experiences with guys who claim to be sweet and nice, we got to thinking—is this guy just pretending to be nice?
There are definitely certain signs that they’re putting on an act.
Try out these 17 telltale signs that a guy is pretending to be nice
1) His body language is not consistent with what he is saying
You know the one—when he’s giving you those alluring puppy dog eyes and looks like he really cares about your well-being.
Wow, what a friendly guy!
He’s not being so nice with his body language.
He may try to make small talk, but his shoulders are set and his head is tilted down in an obstinate posture.
He could also be smiling in a way that seems forced, or he might even look bored and uninterested.
Now, if he’s just being friendly, then his body language should be consistent with his words.
After all, if he said he was sorry for hurting your feelings and wanted to make it up to you, then there should be no reason for him to be scowling like that.
If anything, he would probably have a subtle smile on his face so that you’ll think everything is just fine.
He’s not trying to be kind—he wants something from you.
This could be because he’s actually trying to mask what he’s actually thinking.
2) He isn’t consistent with his actions and words
A lot of guys will say they’re “nice” on the outside but that they’re mean on the inside.
Why would they do that?
We all know from experience that if someone is being unkind then their acts confirm it.
Not only that, but if he’s telling you one thing and doing another, then he’s obviously trying to act as differently as possible.
He’s trying to make you think that he will do something that he’ll never follow through on.
He’s being nice when it benefits him, but if you cross him or don’t do what he wants, then watch out.
You’ll be in for the wrath of his mean side.
If he’s saying he hates your fashion sense, but then he’s wearing your clothes and styling his hair in a way that mirrors your style, then he’s really just trying to act like the sweet guy you want him to be.
As soon as he can’t get what he wants, be ready for the guy you met at the beginning of this relationship to come back.
3) He doesn’t care when he disappoints you
Sometimes when a guy says he won’t hurt you, he just means that he won’t do anything bad.
“I’m not going to lie… I’m going to hurt you but I’ll never be nice about it.”
Even if his words are saying the opposite, you need to trust your gut instinct.
He may seem like a nice guy but there are many signs that tell you he’s not.
When he’s not being nice, you’ll know about it.
Instead of being happy when you’re feeling hurt, he’ll simply ignore you.
He will be there when he wants to be or when it benefits him, but if he disappoints you in the matter of minutes then don’t expect an apology.
He doesn’t care when he makes you feel hurt, and instead of trying to make it up to you or apologize, he just tells you that he’s sorry in a way that shows that he actually means it.
He just wants to avoid the confrontation and will apologize because he’s being nice, but he’s not.
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That’s why I always recommend their services to anyone meeting a guy pretending to be nice.
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4) He doesn’t trust you
It’s hard to trust someone when you don’t know who you’re actually talking to.
If he’s only being nice because he wants something from you, then he’ll treat you differently than he would if you weren’t his girlfriend.
He’ll expect more from you and will think that he should be in control more often.
Before you know it, he’ll be treating you like a child he’s babysitting instead of like a real girlfriend.
He’ll try to control you and will constantly question your actions since he doesn’t even trust you.
Want to know more?
If he’s a complete stranger, then he’ll treat you the same way regardless of whether or not you’re his girlfriend.
His intentions will be completely true and genuine, but if someone only wants to be nice when they want something from you, than that means he doesn’t trust you.
He’ll question your motives and will still try to control you even when he says he won’t.
If he’s a sweet guy, then he’ll act like it even if he doesn’t actually trust you.
He’s not just being nice, and if he is just pretending to be nice because he wants something from you, then his actions will show it.
Girls are very intuitive, so even if he’s being nice to you, the way he treats you will tell the truth.
5) He doesn’t express his true feelings to you
If you’ve ever had to deal with a guy who isn’t really being nice, then you’ll know that he’s very good at hiding what he’s actually feeling.
He’ll just smile and say everything is great, but if you try to get him to open up then all he’ll do is play pretend.
He’ll give you only the small details of how his day really was, but won’t tell you the real stuff.
He’ll be giving you an elaborate, fake version of his day and will try to make it seem like he’s not troubled or bothered by your actions.
His actions should tell you what he’s really feeling, not what he’s trying to make you believe.
6) You’re never really his priority
Sometimes when you’re in a relationship with a nice guy, you might think that they’re taking care of your needs and preventing you from getting hurt.
Since they can always be there for you and will always be there to answer your calls, then it’s almost like they’re the only person in the world that cares.
After all, if they weren’t nice to you then they’d make sure that something bad didn’t happen to you.
However, is he really the nice guy that you think he is?
If he’s a pretender to the nice guy kingdom, then there are many signs that will tell you for sure.
For example, when it comes down to it he’ll have nothing to say.
He’ll barely be able to remember what happened yesterday and will probably be very vague when talking about how great your relationship is.
He’ll tell you that he loves you and that he’s just busy because he has a lot going on in his life, but if he was actually being nice then it wouldn’t matter.
If his intentions were good, then he would remember everything about you and about your relationship.
He’d make time for you even if it meant that he’d put something else on hold or deal with some other issues.
If someone is being nice because they want something from you, than they aren’t the real guy.
7) He’s too busy to get in touch
If you’re dating a sweet guy, then he’ll do anything to make sure that you feel as comfortable as possible and will give you everything that you ask for.
However, if he’s pretending to be nice and just wants something from you, then he’ll obviously have his own agenda.
He’ll tell you what he thinks will keep you around and will only appreciate the things that are good for him.
In the end, he’s not a real nice guy and he’ll try to avoid being around you as much as possible.
He doesn’t really care about your feelings, and he’s too busy trying to make himself look good in front of you to show you who he really is.
It’s always true!
If he’s acting nice, then instead of spending time with him, you should be spending time building a relationship that’s worth your while.
He’s not being nice, and if he’s a pretender to the nice guy kingdom, then there are many signs that will tell you for sure.
8) He doesn’t really ask about you
It’s very important to keep in touch with the people you care about, so if someone is being nice and pretending to be more than what they are, then he’ll only tell you as much as is necessary.
If he was really interested in you and your life, then he’d also want to know what else is going on besides him.
You can tell whether a guy is really being nice or not by how much he cares about you.
If he’s in it for himself and just wants to use you then he’ll only ask you the questions that are most beneficial for him and that will lead him to what he wants.
If he’s too busy to ask about your day or how things are going for you at school, then it’s obvious that he doesn’t care about you.
It’s good to know that someone cares about you, but if a guy is pretending to be nice, then his actions just might tell the truth on how much he actually cares.
He’s just trying to make himself look more important because he wants something from you, and if he’s a pretender to the nice guy kingdom, then there are many signs that will tell you for sure.
9) He’s always trying to please you
If you’re dating a guy who’s not really being nice, then you’re dating someone who doesn’t have any regard for your time or effort.
What will he do when pretending to be nice?
He’ll spend all of his time trying to make himself look good, and he’ll only do what he thinks will get him the attention that he wants.
If he even has a little bit of a conscience, then he’ll only be nice to you when it’s convenient for him.
He’s just trying to get something out of you, and if he’s a pretender to the nice guy kingdom, then there are many signs that will tell you for sure.
Being nice will let a girl know that she’s important to you, and it’ll also tell her that you care about how she feels.
If he’s no good at being nice, then he won’t be able to make the girl happy because he only cares about himself.
Even though you might not be able to see his real intentions, you can tell from the way that he acts if he’s being nice for a reason or not.
10) He has an excuse for his red flags
If a guy is pretending to be nice and is really a bad guy, then he’ll have excuses for the red flags that you might see in him.
He’ll tell you that he’s not really like that at all, but it’s obvious that he is.
He’ll make sure that he gets what he wants before giving anything back to you.
He won’t be able to show you what he truly is, but instead he’ll make up excuses to make it seem like everything is okay.
If he’s too busy to let you know what’s really going on with him, then he’s obviously too occupied to be considerate toward you.
It’s good to know that you have a guy who cares about you, but if you see signs that he’s being nice because of his own agenda then it’s time to put an end to things.
You don’t want to waste your time on someone who only cares about himself and not about how you feel.
11) He cares more about physical intimacy
If he’s just pretending to be nice, then he won’t really care about how you feel or how things are going in your life.
He’ll only be thinking about himself and how you can make him look good in front of the other guys.
If this is the case, then you should really think about spending time with him.
If he’s too busy with himself to ever really care about you, then it’s time for things to end.
Being nice is not about spending time with someone who gives you nothing in return, unless that’s the case, of course.
If he doesn’t care how things are going in your life, then you should question how much he’s really being nice.
He’ll only wonder why you’re not interested in him if he knows that you’re clearly into him.
If he’s pretending to be nice, then he’ll think that you’re really into him and that it’s not for what it truly is.
The only way to know for sure is by seeing how he treats you when no one is around but obviously, nobody will ever be around.
You don’t want to be involved with someone who doesn’t care about your feelings or how you feel.
12) He’s unavailable when you need him
If he’s not really being nice, then you’re likely to see that he isn’t really that interested in you.
He’ll only be thinking about what’s best for him, and if he cares about your feelings, then he’ll only care when it’s convenient for him.
At the end of the day, a guy who is nice will help you when you need it and won’t push you away when things are going badly between the two of you.
If he isn’t being too helpful to you, then it’s time for you to take a step back and realize that it’s not going anywhere with this guy since he doesn’t care about what you have to say.
Most guys are all about themselves, but if a guy is nice enough to let you know what he truly thinks of your relationship, then it’s safe to assume that he cares about you.
If you’re dating someone who doesn’t care about your feelings, then you should know that he’s not interested in being in a relationship with you.
You want to be with someone who truly cares about you and your life, and if he’s not really being nice to you, then there are many signs that will tell you for sure.
13) He never takes the blame
If a guy is pretending to be nice but acts like he’s not, then you’ll be able to easily tell when things are going wrong between the two of you.
Now, understand this:
He might blame everything on you and say that it’s your fault that things aren’t working out between the two of you, and if this is the case, then it’s time for you to take a step back and rethink how your relationship is going.
Being nice is not about blaming it on someone else when problems arise.
If he blames you for something that he did, then it’s time to realize that it’s time to put an end to things before anything is too broken between the two of you.
It’s good that he’s letting you know what he thinks of your relationship, but if he’s blaming it on you and not trying to fix the problems that arise, then it’s clear that he doesn’t care about your feelings.
You don’t want a relationship where the guy blames everything on you, and if he’s doing this, then he’s not really being nice.
14) He treats you like everyone else
If he’s being nice, then you’re going to see that he prioritizes you over everything else.
Being nice is not all about being selfish, and although he might act like it at the beginning, if you stick around long enough then you’ll see that he actually cares about what’s going on in your life.
If he treats you like everyone else does and does things for the wrong reasons like anyone else who wants something from you, then it’s time for things to end.
Being nice is not about treating you like everyone else.
A guy who is really being nice to you will make sure that the way that he acts is different from the way he acts with other people.
If he’s only trying to get something out of you, then it’s time for things to end.
15) He says nice things and then does something mean
It’s a classic case of saying one thing and doing another.
He’s trying to win you over by being sweet, but then he does something mean to you.
If you’re considering being with someone who’s nice to you but only cares about himself and how he can look good in front of his friends, then it’s time to reconsider your options.
It’s easy to realize that kind of guy who pretends to be nice to you, isn’t it?
You should be able to tell what kind of guy you’re dealing with when a guy is nice to you, but if he only cares about looking good in front of his friends, then it’s clear that he’s too busy thinking about himself and not you.
If you’re feeling ignored and like he’s only saying things to make you feel better, then you need to ask yourself how much he’s really being nice.
You shouldn’t have to question whether someone is just pretending to be nice, and if you find yourself wondering about this all the time, then it’s time for things between the two of you to come to an end.
16) He doesn’t remember things you’ve said
Being nice is not about not remembering things you’ve said to him or to other people.
If he doesn’t remember what you’ve told him, then it’s clear that he’s just pretending to be nice and that there’s something else going on.
If he doesn’t remember things that you’ve said or asked him to do, then it’s time for you to question whether he really cares about you.
It’s not about what you’ve said to him or to other people, but it’s about what he’s doing and how he treats you.
If he doesn’t remember what you’ve told him, then it’s clear that there is something else going on with him.
It can be an indication of a lot of different things like immaturity, selfishness, or even carelessness.
If he doesn’t remember what you’ve told him, then it’s time for you to stop thinking that he cares about your feelings.
17) He is defensive or avoids eye contact
You will know a guy is suspicious if his body language changes when he sees you.
The moment you walk in front of him, his body language will shift to something more aggressive and he will look at the ground or else he will try to avoid eye contact with you.
It’s clear that this could be because he doesn’t like the way he does look at you, rather than him being honest and actually not liking what you have to say.
If you’re going out with someone who isn’t being nice to you, then it’s time for you to think about how you want things to go.
You should be able to tell when someone is being honest with you, and if he’s trying to avoid eye contact or is being defensive, then it’s clear that he doesn’t want a real relationship with someone who wants the best for him.
You want to be with someone who is honest and open, but if he’s not being nice, then there are a lot of different signs that might tell you that it’s time for him to go.
Being nice is about many factors.
It’s about having a heart to care about other people, it’s about making sure that you’re always honest with yourself, and it’s also about being able to be happy when others are happy.
Being nice is like being in love with someone else.
It’s not that he loves you more than anyone else does, but it’s because he cares more than anyone else does.
Be sure that you are with someone who is nice to you.
You can tell if someone is being honest by the way he acts, how he treats you and what he has to say.
It’s not about how you can make someone feel, it’s about how much you care about yourself and everyone else.
You can use these 17 common signs to tell if a guy is pretending to be nice, and avoid that guy as soon as possible