How to handle a feisty woman: 13 practical tips

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Men, if you’ve ever found yourself facing a feisty lady, take solace in the fact that you’re not alone. 

The reality is that all males will have to learn how to handle a woman at some point. 

I’m here to help! This post lists 13 practical tips for keeping your wits about yourself when faced with an unpleasant situation involving women.

1) Don’t get caught up in her “web of drama” 

The first tip to handle a feisty woman is to avoid getting caught up in her web of drama.

When a woman acts out, it’s her way of getting your attention and making you feel bad for her.  

Whether she’s throwing a fit over the price of a $40 purse, or acting irrational because you accidentally forgot to take out the trash for three days straight, feisty behavior is manipulative by nature.

So what’s one to do when confronted with a feisty woman? 

It’s simple: 

Keep your cool and focus on the situation at hand (e.g., do not get drawn in by the bait).  

For example, if she asks you why you forgot taking out the trash over a span of three days, instead of telling her off with an emotional response such as “I told you I would take it out later! Don’t nag me!”, simply say “I’m sorry I forgot.”  

This is an easy way to diffuse any negative energy buildup while at the same time allowing you to retain your composure.

2) Don’t start from a position of weakness 

Start off your response to feisty behavior by assuming a position of strength.  

Remember, the primary goal of any woman‘s fit is to get your attention, which she will use against you if you let her.  


Being strong in the face of her display does not mean you should be abusive or mean toward her! 

Simply understand that you will benefit more in the long run if you simply stay calm, level headed and don’t take any of it personally.

3) Be direct and don’t use passive-aggressive manipulation 

You might think that it’s more effective to use manipulation to diffuse a situation with a feisty woman.  

The thing is, she’s probably already figured out that you’re trying to manipulate her into doing what you want her to do. A subtler response will only come across as weak in her eyes.  

If you want something from her, be straightforward about it and ask for what you need.  

For example, if you want her to back off when she’s being overly emotional, tell her “I am not interested in getting into an argument with you right now. Let’s talk about this later.”

If you’re sensing some underlying anger issue coming from this woman, move on.   

Feisty women are often manipulative and will use their behavior against you if given the chance. Keeping your distance from such a woman will help prevent you from getting sucked into the drama and finger-pointing that ultimately happens in these situations.

4) Be on your guard if she is a narcissist

Feisty behavior is sometimes an indicator of a larger problem – that of being a woman with narcissistic tendencies

These women are manipulative, and vengeful, and will lash out at you if they feel they can’t get their way.   

If you find that your relationship with a feisty woman is consistently negative and draining, then consider ending the relationship before she does more damage than you are able to recover from.

But wait, there’s more!

Not all feisty women are narcissists. In fact, most are not.  

For the women who are just trying to get your attention and are genuinely struggling with their self-confidence, an acknowledgment of their emotions can mean the difference between being vindictive and flipping out on you, or being understanding and expressing themselves in a positive way.

5) Don’t take it personally

Don’t take it personally if the feisty woman in your life is behaving in a negative, hostile manner toward you.  

Remember that this is not a reflection of you or your value as a man. 

Feisty women, like any other women struggling with low self-esteem or self-image issues, are often trying to get a man’s attention and validation.  

Allow yourself to see the situation as what it really is – an opportunity for you to help someone who is going through some rough times and needs your encouragement and support.

You can find out what drives her anger and learn more about her negative tendencies by asking the right questions.   

For example, ask her why she always has to argue with you over everything. Ask her how she would feel if she were in the middle of an argument with a man and he simply walked away from her.  

Listen to what she has to say, validate it if necessary, then let it go and move on with your life.

6) Practice understanding women in all their forms 

No matter how feisty or icy this woman might be, try to understand what makes her that way. We tend to make judgments about people based on their behavior and think, “she’s always a bitch, she’s a controlling bitch, she’s a crazy bitch…”   

But take some time to consider the possibility that she is really struggling with something inside herself.  

Perhaps there is an unresolved problem in her past – maybe some emotional trauma at the hands of her father or brother that has caused her to feel insecure and defensive on the most basic level. 

If you give her a chance, perhaps you will even learn something new about yourself as well.  

Maybe you’ve done things in your life that have hurt people and caused them to doubt themselves and their self-worth – perhaps in more ways than one! 

Here are some tips to help you find out more about this woman and who she really is inside:

  • Be a good listener! If you want to understand her, then you have to stop getting defensive and start opening up yourself.  
  • Ask questions! Never make assumptions about people or try to control their behavior.  Getting all the facts will help you be a more understanding person in the long run.  
  • Let go of your frustration! No one likes to be treated like a child, and that’s what women feel like when you nag at them or tell them how they’re “supposed” to behave.  
  • Understand what it is that makes her angry. Try to discover what insecurity she may be working through.  
  • Try to help her! If she is an abuse victim or has experienced some kind of trauma, try to offer her a shoulder to cry on or other forms of comfort and support.  
  • Don’t be afraid to let her know that you care about her and want the best for her.  

7) Be mindful of your behavior and language when dealing with women 

Women who are feisty don’t always deal with anger in the most appropriate manner, and they usually don’t mean to be hostile or negative.  

So instead of lashing out at her, in the same manner, she is behaving toward you, which will only escalate an already negative situation, do your best to just take a step back and observe her behavior.   

Then ask yourself if there is anything you have done that might have triggered her negativity. If you can figure out why she is angry with you, then it will help you to respond in a more helpful and appropriate way.   

If a woman is acting inappropriately toward you, it’s probably not because of something that YOU have done wrong (don’t make the mistake of thinking “man up” and confront the problem – this rarely helps anything).  

We all struggle at times, so instead of taking it personally when she flips out on you or finds fault with something that seems innocent to you:

  • Take a step back and ask yourself what’s really going on?
  • Don’t jump to conclusions.   
  • Take a deep breath.   
  • Then, ask her how YOU can help fix the problem.

8) Decide if this is a battle worth fighting

Again, feisty women aren’t always trying to be difficult, negative, or mean. 

So before you decide to give up on the relationship forever because you can’t stand how she expresses her anger toward you, take a step back and ask yourself if this is a battle you’re willing to fight.  If so:

Figure out ways that you can work together to make the relationship better.   


Fighting isn’t always the wrong way to go!  

Fighting with someone who has more anger management issues than you do can actually be helpful in making them respect your boundaries.   

It’s all about finding the right balance of getting your point across without hurting someone else’s feelings or doing too much damage in order to make your point clear.  

Use common sense and have tact when attempting this type of resolve – don’t use harmful tactics like name-calling or raising your voice for example, because that will only make things worse!

And also, keep in mind: 

It is not YOUR job to change other people!   

If you are with someone who has a lot of anger management problems, there is only so much you can do to help them (and if they’re unwilling to accept outside help, then it’s even harder).

9) Don’t argue over the finer points of feminism 

It’s best not to argue about the finer points of feminism with a woman who struggles with anger issues, as she will most likely misinterpret your argument and yell at you for being “anti-feminist” or a “man-hater.” 

With that said, there are times when you have to stand your ground with such women.  

Have tact, though – I would never advise getting into a shouting match or name-calling (as this will only make things worse).  

A better idea is to use a calm, assertive tone to infiltrate her negative energy with some positive energy, by making sure that it is understood by both parties what the actual point of contention is.  

If you have tact and you stick to the discussion at hand, you can actually come out on top in those types of arguments.  

Keep in mind that this will most likely be a drawn-out process, as she will likely dig her heels in and try to argue with every sentence that is coming out of your mouth.  

But be persistent – hold your ground!  

10) Don’t let your opinion be censored, especially if it’s in line with yours 

Use your critical thinking skills and think for yourself!   

Even if you are in a disagreement with someone else about a topic, it is not appropriate to let them tell you how to feel about an issue. This might be especially true if the other person has anger problems.   

They will most likely try to discourage you from having an opinion – either by saying that you are “wrong” or by telling you “don’t care.”

You do care, just like they do, and unfortunately, they have a huge amount of control over what you think and how you feel.  

Here’s the thing: 

When someone has anger issues, they are highly susceptible to negativity.  

They have no will of their own, so even though it hurts them more than it does other people, for example, it doesn’t mean that they should be able to fade out your feelings when it comes to certain topics. 

If you can’t agree with someone’s opinion on something that doesn’t involve their well-being, their feelings, or your opinion, you should have the right to express that opinion.  

It doesn’t matter if they disagree with you or even if they get mad at you. You do not need to feel like you’re wrong just because someone disagrees with your view on a topic.

11) Don’t give her more credit than she deserves 

This is especially true if she is acting in such an irrationally angry way – and it will be both frustrating and unhealthy for you to let yourself be pushed around by someone who cannot control their own emotions.  

You may well start to feel the same way yourself, and this will spiral out of control – leading to more fights.  

If you are stuck with this person, you may want to look into ways to help them get some assistance for their anger problems.  

There are several treatment options for anger issues out there, but whatever method a person chooses should be one that closely adheres to their specific needs.  

12) Be proactive in finding solutions that work for both parties 

If you are with someone who has anger issues, and they are not able to control their negative feelings and actions, you will want to try to find solutions that work for both of you.  

This is a difficult thing to do, but it is essential.  

You will want to try your best to avoid blaming the other person when this isn’t possible.  

It’s entirely normal for people who have anger issues that can’t control their emotions and behavior to sometimes blame others in an effort at self-justification – especially if they’re acting in ways that are hurtful or harmful. 

This isn’t always a sign of a problem though – just an indicator of a deeper issue within them.

When the other person blames someone else or often blames themselves for something that is out of their control, this can be very difficult for them as well.  

The best solution might be setting boundaries to limit the amount of responsibility you take for situations and to let them look after themselves and peel off their own emotional layers.

This way, they don’t have to feel bad about things that may have happened because of their behavior, but also don’t have to feel bad about things that may not be their fault or even were not intended by you.

13) Avoid suspicion or fear that she is trying to “tattle” on you 

It’s very common for people who have anger issues to let their actions and words take them where they don’t belong by accusing others of things that are not true.  

This is often done because they are so extremely tired, frustrated, and emotionally charged that they lose control of their own behavior.  

This can be incredibly frustrating for both you and the person you’re in an argument with, as it is hard for everyone – but especially for you to deal with this person when you can’t work out what is going on in their head.

You may find yourself saying or thinking these things:

  • “I faked being sick yesterday so she wouldn’t bother me!” 
  • “She’s trying to steal my manhood!”
  • “She should know I’m a good guy!” 
  • “Why does she always do this? Why does she treat me like this?” 

However, instead of dealing with a person who is acting weird and out of character, or who is just plain irritating, you might be pulling them towards your anger.  

So if you find yourself thinking or saying these things, try and stop.  

Instead, focus on the real issues they seem to be bringing up in front of you that are bothering them – like maybe they need a break from work or being stressed out about something else.

By focusing on the real reasons that you are having issues with this person, you may find that they will begin to feel more comfortable around you again and return back to their normal self.

Final thoughts

Hopefully, these tips and techniques will help increase the chances that you can be with a feisty woman who has anger issues in a way that is healthy for both of you.

Keep in mind that the ultimate goal should be to help the other person deal with their angry feelings in a healthy way that makes sense for their own life. 

You may not be able to do this by yourself, but there are ways that you can support them as they work towards a healthier way of interacting with other people – especially those they care about.

In the end, it’s this kind of investment in another human being that will truly make the relationship between you and your partner/sibling/significant one with anger issues far more meaningful and fulfilling than it would be otherwise.