How to get a guy back that you scared away: 16 no bullsh*t tips

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

One of the biggest mistakes that women make when trying to get back together with their ex is by being too annoying. 

You have to acknowledge the pain your man feels, and show him that you are sorry for it. Have some empathy for him and learn from your past mistakes. 

Let’s take a look at 16 no bullsh*t tips on how to get a guy back that you scared away.

1) Focus on your conversational style

Here’s the truth: 

A lot of guys are intimidated by women who get straight to the point. They want a woman that will make them feel important, as well as give them some space. 

If your ex was intimidated by you, it’s no wonder why he broke up with you.

When your ex broke up with you, it was because of the book-length essay you were writing in his presence.

Maybe he felt cornered, or maybe he started to feel like you were suffocating him. Either way, it’s over. And now you want him back. 

So try to tone down the aggressive side of your personality. Instead, treat him like a person. Focus on your conversational style, and try to come off as friendly and caring. 

2) Give him space when he needs it without asking too many questions

Another tip when you scared him away is to give him space when he needs it. In fact, sometimes you need space more than he does. 

But don’t ask him what’s wrong, how he feels, and stress him out. 

Instead, just give him his space to work things out on his own. This will also make him feel less judged and more comfortable around you. 

Also, remember: 

When you focus too much on him, what he thinks, and what he needs, you make it seem like you’re in control of the relationship. 

As a result, your ex can feel suffocated and end up pushing you away

Remember that men want to feel like they’re in control of relationships. They don’t want to be controlled. 

3) Don’t be too clingy

Another no-no when you scared him away is to be too clingy. 

A lot of people tend to do this because they think that their ex wants to see them all the time. But if he was uncomfortable with your clinginess, he would have pushed you away.

Don’t fall into that trap. 

The more clingy you are, the more drama he’ll experience and it will piss him off. Make sure you keep the drama to a minimum and try to avoid being too clingy. 

4) Frame your issue with humility

Not all issues should be raised with anger and ego.

In fact, you should try to frame the issue with humility by saying something like: 

“I feel like this is a big deal that I messed up. I have been working on myself and have learned tons of stuff and I’m sorry if this is too much.” 

Or: “I’m sorry if I’m being too hard on you, I really want you to be happy with me. I’m trying my best to fix this.” 

Yes, it’s a shame, and yes, it’s not easy for you to hear this, but at least try to tone down your ego and accept your mistakes. 

Also, remember that it’s not easy for him either. He hurt too because he wasn’t ready to let go of you. And now you want him back. 

5) Pay attention to his body language and facial expressions

Your ex might not tell you directly, but he’ll tell you through his body language and facial expressions. 

For example, he might act uncomfortable and awkward around you when you talk to him. Maybe he looks at you like he’s embarrassed. 

Or maybe he looks away while talking to you, which tells you that he feels pressured and uncomfortable. 

These are clues that your ex may have been uncomfortable around you but doesn’t want to admit it for some reason

If a guy is being overly passive-aggressive, then there’s a good chance that he’s still feeling the same way about you as before.

So pay attention to his body language and facial expressions. This can tell you whether or not he’s still interested in getting back together with you.

6) Apologize openly and take responsibility ​

The fact is that you made a mistake when you scared him away. 

Maybe you got too comfortable in the relationship and forgot about his own needs and desires. 

Or maybe he was telling you that he wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, but you didn’t want to listen. 

Either way, it’s important that you acknowledge your mistakes openly and take responsibility for them. No excuses. ​

This is also important because it shows respect for him. It shows that you are not perfect, you are human. ​

And people like humans for the most part because they’re honest, real, and respectful. 

7) Have a little patience and respect his boundaries

You might be wondering:  

How long do I have to wait before we get back together? 

Instead, take a little patience and respect his boundaries. 

Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about getting back together now, maybe not even for a few weeks or months. ​

That’s okay. 

Just give him some space and continue to focus on yourself for now. Continue improving yourself, and let him work things out in his own time.

This is what the men want. They don’t want to be pressured into anything and they don’t need a relationship right now. 

Just respect his boundaries, but continue to talk to him, stay in contact, and express your feelings. The more he sees/hears your feelings, the more forgiving he’ll become.   

8) Let him know how much you’ve changed, not just in the past few weeks or months but from the very beginning

This is a big one. 

Remember that he may have been feeling the same way about you even if he wasn’t telling you. ​

The truth is that you made mistakes, but now things are changing for the better. For example, your ego and anger have subsided. 

You might still feel like you’re the same old person to him, but your change is so obvious that he can’t ignore it.

Here are some ways to show him how much you’ve changed:

– Ask him how you can improve your relationship and make him feel more comfortable around you.

– Share some of the things you learned on your own, such as a good book or a podcast. 

– Ask him how he sees/feels about your future together. Spend time talking about what you want in the future, but don’t get too serious right now. This can be a great step to show that you’ve changed.

– Be a little vulnerable. Maybe you can tell him how much you’ve missed him and how much you want to make things work out.

– Share some of the things you learned from your mistakes. For example, you might say that you were too controlling and “didn’t respect his space” when he needed it. Share these ideas with him, but don’t criticize him or get angry.

– Think about why your relationship broke down in the first place.

This way, you can show him that you’re willing to problem-solve and make changes.

That’s what men want, not a BS person who just follows the same old pattern. ​

9) Let him know that you want more of him in your life

If you really want to get back together with your ex that you scared away, you have to show him that you want more of him in your life. 

You have to talk about your future together and express your feelings openly. 

Otherwise, there’s no point in talking about getting back together because he won’t feel the same way. He’ll get frustrated and annoyed with you, and will be tempted to ghost on you instead. ​

Yes, it’s not easy, but it’s important that you remember the bigger picture here — getting back together with your ex. 

You’re not just sending a text to him and hoping that he’ll reply. You want more of him in your life, so you have to take the initiative for your feelings to be reciprocated. 

10) Take it slow

As we’ve discussed before, men do not move fast in relationships. 

In fact, men want to be patient with women and it makes a lot of sense from their perspective.

They want to get to know a woman on a deeper level before getting all serious with her. 

It’s a good way for men to evaluate how you feel about them and to see if you’re interested in getting back together or not before jumping into things too quickly.

So if you’re serious about getting back together with your ex that you scared away, take it slowly.​

Don’t ask him to get back together this week or month. Instead, wait for him to be ready. 

Eventually, you will find a way to get your ex back. 

But remember that time is on your side when attempting to get your ex back after he’s been scared away by your mistakes

And remember that you’re trying to get your ex back after failing in the past. Get used to being rejected before you try again. 

11) Make him feel appreciated

If you’re serious about getting back together with your ex, you have to make him feel appreciated. ​

It’s important that he knows that you love and appreciate him for who he is. 

This could be a tough task because you might still feel the same way about him as before, but it’s important that you try. 

Maybe the only thing that can convince your ex that he’s worth it is by making him feel appreciated. ​

To help you out, here are some physical and non-physical ways to do it:

Physical ways to make him feel appreciated:

– Write him a handwritten letter. 

– Buy him a gift that shows your appreciation towards him.   

– Look at your mistakes and write them down in a list so he can see how much you’ve changed. Show him the list and tell him that you want to show how much you appreciate him. – Do something that he’d like to do with you (e.g. take a trip to his favorite destination).

– Hold hands with him while you’re walking together. 

Non-physical ways to make him feel appreciated:

– Show up for your dates regardless of how you feel about the relationship or him. 

– Talk about your future together and how you want things to turn out. It’s important that you get past the “getting back together” phase and talk about arrangements afterward. 

– Share some of the things you’ve learned from your mistakes with him.   

– Investigate his past experiences and ask him how he feels about your differences.   

– Tell him that you can’t wait to see him after work.  

– Let him know that you’ve been thinking about him often.   

12) Be willing to compromise on the big stuff 

This is one of the most important things that you should do. 

If your ex sees that you’re willing to compromise, he’ll be more likely to forgive you and consider getting back together with him. 

This doesn’t mean that you have to agree to everything he wants. It means that you should be willing to see things from his perspective, even if it goes against your own values. 

You’re not just trying to get him back, but also letting him know that you’re able to care about his feelings and needs as well. ​

In fact, this is one of the most important things that you need to do if you want your ex back after he’s been scared away by your mistakes. 

13) Show some vulnerability

Trust me, men hate it when women try to show them who’s boss in a relationship.

They want someone who will listen to what they have to say and don’t want women who try to control them. They want to feel like they’re the “alpha male” in the relationship. ​

This is why you should do something that shows him that you’re vulnerable. This will make it easier for him to open up and share his feelings with you.​

You don’t have to show him that you’re scared or vulnerable all the time. But, it is important to show him so he knows that you’re human and that he can trust you with his feelings.

14) Show that you are easy to approach

Men want to know that you’re approachable. 

They want someone who can be talked to and doesn’t overreact at the slightest provocation. 

What men hate the most is when women get overly emotional, like punishing them for making a mistake or being an ass in front of her. ​

Instead, show him that you’re easy to approach by being calm, composed, and rational. In fact, it’s important that you detach yourself from your emotions before trying to get back together with your ex.

Be careful not to show him that you’re weak and that he can’t control you. 

This might make him think that you’re an even more Control Freak than before. ​ 

15) No more playing hard to get

This is the point where you can’t play hard to get anymore. You have to be straightforward and honest about how you feel and what you want. 

Don’t play games with him just because you want him to chase after you or wake up one day and realize that he’s been missing out on something. 

Instead, talk to him like a mature adult, tell him what exactly is on your mind and ask him how he feels about it. ​

Men hate playing games, so be straightforward with your intentions if you really want to get back together with your ex that you scared away.

16) Get a clear understanding of what he needs from you

This is the last point that you should make before attempting to get your ex back

This is also the point where you need to learn how exactly he needs you to be in order for him to get back with you. 

Maybe he just needs some space so that he can think about things and make a decision on his own. Or maybe he wants more reassurance from you.

In any case, being able to give him what he needs will make it easier for you to gain his trust and get him back.

You have to be prepared for the next time that you see your ex again. 

Final thoughts

By implementing the strategies above, you’ll be closer to getting your ex back that you scared away without having to beg and plead for him to come back

Not only that, but you’ll also get back your ex without having to play his little game. 

Remember, it’s not about winning and losing. It’s all about being able to give your ex what he needs while allowing yourself to get what you need as well. ​

Make sure to use these tips so you can get your ex back and have a relationship that’s filled with love and understanding.