10 clever ways to deal with a hypocrite wife (practical tips)

We sometimes include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Read our affiliate disclosure.

Is your wife a hypocrite?

Does your wife bemoan things that you do but then she does them herself?

Does she complain about your shortcomings but then turn around and do the same?

It’s certainly frustrating dealing with a hypocrite, but when that woman is your wife, it’s even worse.

But you love her for a reason and with the below strategies you can learn to deal with her hypocritical behavior so it no longer negatively affects your relationship.

Here are 10 clever tips to deal with a hypocritical wife.

1) The Black and White test

This is the most straightforward, effective way to deal with a hypocrite wife. 

It involves showing your wife a list of things she has done that is hypocritical and then asking her to evaluate herself in this light. 

When your wife doesn’t want to admit anything, you should continue to push her. 

Ask her how she feels about the fact that her actions have caused you pain and then confront her with the need for change. 

Show her that in these instances, what she has said has been different from how she has acted.

Make sure that you are honest with her regarding your reaction to her hypocrisy and always remember that the best thing you can do is to be a friend rather than an enemy.

That is a very crucial point. Don’t approach the Black and White test with a “gotcha” attitude. Just lay out the facts in a non-confronting manner and adopt the attitude that you want to have a productive discussion.

2) The self-help test

This should be your next step if your wife has not cooperated with the Black and White test. 

The self-help test involves identifying some specific thing she did and pointing out why it is wrong, but you should use this approach only once you have exhausted the Black and White test.

Now it sounds similar to the Black and White test, but this is different because you are only focusing on one specific thing she did that is hypocritical.

The self-help test will be most effective if you can get your wife to recognize that what she did was wrong and that it caused you or others pain.

When you point out her own hypocrisy, this will help her understand that she has been hurting herself and others as well. 

You may also want to explain why sticking to her word and acting with integrity is important.

Make sure that you don’t go into this with a combative attitude or with the expectation that it will solve your problem. 

This approach is not meant to be curative and it can only work if you are honest about your motives for using it.

You just want to her to understand a specific behavior of hers. After all, the first step of change is awareness.

3) The gentle reminder

If your wife is still unwilling to listen to the Black and White test, or the self-help test, you may want to use a gentle reminder. 

This doesn’t require saying anything negative about your wife, but it will involve you gently (and perhaps lovingly) reminding her of how the things she did were hypocritical.

It doesn’t have to be a big thing. You don’t even have to be serious about it.

With a humorous and non-confrontational style, you can gently let her know that she is actually being hypocritical in a specific instance.

For example, if your wife calls you fat and laughs, then gets extremely offended when you do the same, you can in a laughing manner explain how she has double standards.

It’s just a reminder of how she is actually being hypocritical.

The gentle reminder should ideally lead to progress, but it will take time for her to make changes.

4) Let your confidence do the hard work 

Before you begin working on your wife, it’s important to acknowledge the fact that changing a person like this is not easy.

Your actions should be designed to help her see that you love her, that she has value and worth, and that she deserves to be able to trust you no matter what happens between you. 

You cannot expect your wife to become a different person overnight, so when she refuses to listen to your criticisms of her hypocrisy ask yourself if being honest with yourself will help get results more quickly.

You need to show her how to act yourself. This means leading from the front and acting with integrity and confidence.

In fact, for a man, confidence is incredibly important to building successful relationships.

I learned this from relationship expert Kate Spring.

As she taught me, confidence sparks something deep inside women that sets off instant attraction.

If you want to boost your confidence around women, check out Kate’s excellent free video here.

Watching Kate’s videos has been a game-changer for me. Because I know exactly how it feels to not get dates… to be searching for “the one”… to be stuck in a relationship that just isn’t working.

However, with Kate’s help, I’ve been with the sort of high-quality women I never thought possible. The confidence she has given me has helped me succeed in other areas of life too.

Here’s a link to Kate’s free video again.

5) The “do you want to hurt the people you love?” question

This is another effective question you can ask a hypocrite wife.

This will help you find out how much she cares about you and whether or not she is willing to do whatever it takes to make things right.

You will first have to understand how your wife feels about the relationships she has. 

If she loves her children deeply and she has a normal relationship with them, then this approach will be particularly helpful because it will help her see that being a hypocrite can also hurt those close to her. 

When you ask your wife this question, she should realize that being a hypocrite hurts those around her. If she can be exposed to this vision, then you will be able to move her in the direction of change.

This question can be a real eye-opener for women who are not used to being exposed to the way they are hurting others. 

The “do you want to hurt yourself and the people you love?” question should be your last resort if your wife is not affected by any of the other approaches, because it will force her to consider that being a hypocrite has consequences.

6) Help her change

Help her to see the real world here and encourage her to change.

Share with her the things that have worked for you in your life; don’t be afraid to tell her about mistakes you’ve made.

This is important because it shows humility on your part. It shows that you have been hypocritical before and you’ve learned from it.

Not every husband is perfect.

You will have made some wrong choices before and you can admit that to your wife.

But don’t criticize her for making similar choices. Instead, be loving and understanding toward her, even if you disagree with her choices.

7) The gradual approach 

Remember: Take it slow and don’t expect change overnight.

It works best if you use the gentle reminder approach to bring up the issue of hypocrisy. It’s important that you do this in a friendly manner and non-judgmental manner.

You should continue to show her love and appreciation while she is making the changes in herself that will allow the relationship to be rebuilt. 

Over time, the gradual approach should bring about positive change in your relationship. It may take some time, but it’s worth it because you no longer live with a hypocrite who is prone to manipulation.

Taking the gradual approach and understanding it from her perspective is important to ignite change.

You might also learn more about your wife and women in general if you really try to understand her and what makes her tick.

This goes back to what I mentioned earlier – understanding women isn’t tough, it just takes someone who knows to show you the way.

And that person is relationship expert Kate Spring.

In this free video, you’ll learn exactly how to attract the woman of your dreams with Kate’s effective techniques. 

Whether it’s working on your confidence or learning some of the best-kept secrets about women, you’ll learn a few techniques that’ll certainly improve your love life.

Here’s a link to the free video once again.

8) The reverse approach

This is a very effective way to deal with a hypocrite wife, but it’s also risky. 

Ask your wife to describe the values and behaviors of a person she respects and then ask her how she measures up to that standard. 

For example, she may say that being a hypocrite is a character flaw or some other bad thing. Ask her how to change this bad habit and then show her how you can be different.

This approach will work best if you both work together on changing the things that are important to your relationship. 

However, this approach will also be one of the most difficult things you do in your marriage.

She might respond with a direct rejection of the values in question or she might come up with reasons why certain behaviors are different because they occur in private or they’re just minor imperfections. 

You will have to ask her to think long and hard about this difference and how it affects your marriage. 

If she cannot see how hypocrisy hurts your relationship, then you might have a long road ahead of you before you can come together again. 

This strategy is actually great for character building. You can measure yourself and who you are as a person. Make sure to do this with your wife and you can both work on improving yourself together.

If your wife has a difficult time accepting the fact that hypocrisy hurts your relationship, then it’s probably a good idea to try another approach.

In marriage, most women will find the reverse approach very powerful in creating change. 

9) The one moment of truth technique

This is the most direct way to deal with a hypocrite wife. 

You will have to take a strong stand on the issue of hypocrisy, which means that you may lose her respect in the process. 

You will not surprise your wife by doing this and she might even tell you that she already knows what you’re going to say. 

When she does, it shows that she has little regard for the truth or honesty. 

Ultimately, it’s important that you stand up for what’s right.  

Eventually, your wife will begin to realize the harm of hypocrisy. She might shut down when you do this to her or she might tell you that it’s all about her making herself a better person. 

Either way, this approach can have a tremendous impact on your marriage. 

Final thoughts

The best way to deal with a hypocrite wife is to confront her about her behavior and help her see that she’s on a path to destruction.

If you want to help your wife see the error of her ways, then it’s important that you are able to communicate effectively with her.

This all relates back to the incredible advice I learned from Kate Spring.

I mentioned her earlier, she’s transformed dating and relationships for thousands of men.

One of the most valuable things she taught me was this:

Women don’t choose the guy who will treat them the best. They choose guys they are deeply attracted to at a biological level.

Women don’t like assholes because they’re assholes. They like assholes because those guys are confident and they give off the right signals to them. The sort of signals a woman can’t resist.

What if I told you that you could quickly learn the right signals to give to women—and you absolutely don’t need to become an asshole in the process?

Check out this free video by Kate Spring.