How to activate the hero instinct in man: 15 practical tips

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| Last Updated: August 23, 2022

Men are not wired to be the protectors and providers that society expects them to be. Men are not innately courageous, tenacious, or selfless.

In fact, men are anything but these things. They’re more often selfish, fearful, and apathetic.

The problem is that this leaves most men feeling unfulfilled when it comes to their own potential as a man.

They don’t know who they could be if they activated their inner hero and tapped into their best masculine instincts.

The 15 practical tips outlined in this article will get you started with activating your hero’s instincts and carping this new skill into your everyday life.

1) Start with the things men love

Support men instead of trying to force them into becoming something they’re not. Men love video games, sports, and cars.

More specifically men love video games, sports, cars and all things that help them escape their real lives as well as others around them.

Find a way to create an environment where they can feel safe while they play or are in these activities.


When they want to feel like a man without leaving their comfort zone and challenging themselves in these ways, then let them do it.

The great thing about men is that they love to love things.

They love to become passionate about objects, activities, and ideas.

When you can tap into something he loves, you can engage his emotions and begin the process of helping him see himself in a more positive light.

Is he an avid sports fan?

Help him to see that his particular team is a part of his identity.

Help him to see that the ability to follow a team through thick and thin builds character. Is he a car guy?

Help him see that tinkering with machinery is a form of creativity. Help him to see that working with his hands on a car’s frame is a way of improving himself.

2) Ask for help

Men aren’t typically comfortable asking for help.

This is especially true if he’s being asked to ask for help with something that could possibly be perceived as feminine.

He might also feel wronged by the implication that he can’t handle things on his own.

But the truth is, men do need help sometimes, and they often don’t know where to turn.

The problem with the hero instinct is that it often leads to a martyr complex.

We are wired to take care of things, but we can sometimes become too self-absorbed, too obsessed with solving problems that aren’t ours to solve.

Helping others helps us to see our own value.

This is why so many charities have men giving back to their community.

It’s not just good for society, it’s good for the men involved.

It helps them to develop their own instincts as a protector and provider.

So next time you feel compelled to solve a problem, ask yourself if you can help with it.

If you can’t, then walk away from it and let others do what they need to do.

This simple act will help you to see the value in yourself and in others.

3) Celebrate his wins

A man’s natural instinct is to remain stoic when things are not going his way.

He feels the need to be strong and powerful, even when he doesn’t feel that way inside.

This is why men rarely celebrate their wins at work or in life.

They don’t want to come off as weak, but they also don’t want to make a big show of things and come off as bragging.

The truth is, celebrating his wins is a great way to help him feel more confident and to perceive himself in a more positive light.

When you show him that you value his success, you’re letting him know that he has what it takes as a man.

By reminding him that he doesn’t always have to be the hero, you are giving him an outlet for when things aren’t going well.

You know what:

We love to celebrate the wins of women.

We love the idea of the “girl power” movement, where women’s achievements are applauded and celebrated.

But when was the last time you celebrated a man for his achievements?

Have you ever thought about how few people there are in a man’s life who truly celebrate him?

We are quick to criticize, slow to praise, and rarely offer genuine appreciation when a man has succeeded.

Men need to know that they are appreciated and that their efforts are valued. Celebrate the small wins in life and help a man to see how his successes are a part of his own hero’s journey.

Wanna know more?

You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.

I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.

And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.

Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.

Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?

Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.

The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12-word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.

Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.

It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.

Click here to watch the free video.

4) Ask him to fix something around the house

Men are strong, but they aren’t typically handymen.

Sometimes fixing things around the house is a way to express his masculinity and keep from feeling feminine.

He doesn’t want to be seen as weak or helpless and may feel this activity is beneath him.

But there are ways to make this a positive experience for him, instead of one that feels like a chore.

Ask him to fix something around the house.

Men are natural problem solvers.

They like to be challenged and they like to be useful. You can tap into this desire by asking him to solve a problem around the house.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a tiny problem or a massive one.

You just want to give him an opportunity to use his brain and problem-solving skills.

Let him take a look at the broken door in your garage and try to fix it himself.

Let him take a look at a leaky pipe and try to figure out what went wrong.

When a man has a problem to work on, he feels fulfilled.

He feels like he’s contributing to his family and doing the things he does best.

He’ll be less likely to get bored if you give him problems to solve on a regular basis.

5) Don’t go overboard with the praise

Men need to know that they are appreciated and their efforts are valued.

Don’t praise a man for everything he does.

When you do this, it could make him feel like you don’t really mean what you say.

It could make him feel like you are always overcompensating based on past experiences that had nothing to do with him.

Approach praise with care.

A man can handle it when you tell him he did a great job around the house, but don’t let that be all you say about him.

Give him compliments when it seems appropriate, but don’t stuff everything he ever does into the “good job” category.

Yes, It’s really true!

Speaking of building men up, don’t go overboard with the praise. Men don’t want to be coddled the way that many women do.

They don’t want to be praised for doing what they should be doing.

They want to be praised for something that they’ve worked hard on, endured, and achieved.

Praise him when he’s earned it and when he doesn’t feel like he’s being put on a pedestal.

This will help him to feel as though he is worth something and that he is capable of great things.

6) Let him see that he makes you happy

Men need to know that they are doing a good job.

They want to be heard and understood, but they also want to know that their efforts are appreciated.

One of the biggest ways to show a man that you appreciate him is to let him know that he makes you happy.

The hero instinct often makes men try to do everything in order to protect, provide, and fix things for their loved ones.

But when you tell a man that he makes you happy, this affirms your own hero instinct. If a man makes you happy, then he’s helping to fulfill your needs as well.

As a result of this, men feel more confident and know that they are doing what is best for the family unit.

Listing out all the things that make you happy tells your partner that he’s not just being used as charity by you. He is helping and making your life better.

A man wants to feel like he is bringing something to the table.

He wants to feel like he is contributing, but he also wants to know that he is loved, that he is needed.

He wants to know that you need him, that he makes you happy, and that you can’t go on without him in your life.

This is the most basic level of love that a man can want.

He wants to feel like you appreciate his efforts, his desires, and his needs.

This is hard when men like to keep things to themselves and when they like to keep things inside.

This can be especially hard if you’re dating a guy who is dealing with some sort of trauma or mental health issue.

You might not understand what he’s going through or why he’s acting the way that he is, but you can help him to see that you need him and that he is appreciated and loved.

Anything else?

This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.

When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to activate his hero instinct.

And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.

You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.

7) Encourage his goals

Men often have goals, but they’re often modest and unambitious.

We’ve seen the rise of the “nice guy” and the “man-child” who doesn’t have a clear idea of what he wants to do with his life.

Just as you should encourage him to build on his win, you should encourage him to build on his desire to succeed.

He might not know what he wants to do in life, but that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t try to find out.

Men want to feel as though they’re capable and that they can be successful.

They want to know that they’re innately valuable and can make a living by doing what they love.

This isn’t a selfish thing, it’s a natural thing.

We want to know that our efforts will pay off, that we’ll be rewarded for our efforts, and that we’ll be able to provide for ourselves and possibly others.

Let him know that you believe in him and that you see his potential.

You know what:

Men want to know that they will be loved and wanted.

A man can’t help but feel insecure when he feels as though he is being used by a woman.

He wants to know that he is wanted, that he is needed, and that you are going to create a happy family together.

He wants to know that you care about his dreams and aspirations and his life goals.

This will make him feel as though his life’s desires are worthwhile.

Encourage him when he sets goals for himself.

This will show him that you want to help and support him, rather than take all control over his life.

It will make him feel as though you’re not just trying to change him and that you’re helping him to fulfill his own hero’s journey.

This can help a man see how important he is and how much work he has put into being who he is today.

8) Show men how to be proud and resilient when they fail

Failure is a part of life. It’s a necessary part of life.

It shows us where we need to improve and where we need to change our ways.

It’s something that we should embrace as humans, but we often shy away from it because we don’t know how to deal with it.

Men are especially bad at dealing with failure because they want to appear strong, resilient, and confident.

They don’t want to let people know when they fail because it’s seen as a weakness. It shows that they aren’t perfect and that they don’t have all the answers.

Men want to be perfect.

They want to be strong, resilient, and confident.

They want to be able to solve every problem and know all the answers.

But the thing is, they can’t.

No one can be all of those things.

In fact, it’s dangerous to be like this. You have to have compassion for others when they fail and let them know that it’s okay.

Men want to be encouraged and they want to be told that they are capable.

We’ve talked a lot about giving men the room to fail.

They need that space in order to find success, but they also want that encouragement to show them how important it is for them to try and accomplish their goals.

When you show a man that he can fail, but he should keep going, this is one of the biggest shows you can give him of love.

When a man fails, he feels as though he is not good enough and that everyone is going to leave him.

He is deathly afraid of being alone.

If you can show him that there is hope and that you’re not going to abandon him, then this will help him to be more ambitious and forthcoming with what he wants in life.

9) Keep him on his toes

If a man is feeling safe in his environment, he won’t be thinking about how to build his character or protect others.

He’ll be content to sit on the couch, play video games, and watch movies.

A man who feels safe doesn’t feel challenged to grow or take risks.

You need to keep him on his toes.

If he’s always playing it safe and avoiding the things that make him feel uncomfortable, he never has the chance to grow into his best self.

You don’t want him to feel like he’s under constant attack and being pushed to his limits, but you do want to challenge him to face his fears and practice skills of courage just often enough to keep him growing and feeling fulfilled in his role as a man.

He needs to know that the only way that he will grow is if you’re willing to put in the effort and that failure isn’t a punishment.

He needs to learn from his mistakes and live with failure, but don’t let him be discouraged.

Let him know that he should keep pushing, even though failure is painful for him. Respect his boundaries and his efforts of growing into maturity.

10) Tell him “thank you”

Men don’t always know what they’ve done for you. Sometimes, they don’t even think about how much you’ve done for them.

One of the biggest things that men do for women is to take care of them and support them in their endeavors.

They take care of the children, the household, and do their share of the chores around the house.

Don’t underestimate how much this is appreciated and how important it is.

Men want to be appreciated. They want to know that they’re in someone’s good graces and that they are trusted, even though they may not always understand why.

Let him know that you believe in his abilities, that you see his potential, and that you appreciate what he does for your family.

As a woman, you’re often expected to thank men for even the littlest things.

When your man clears the table after dinner, you’re supposed to say “thank you,” regardless of whether he picked up the dishes and put them in the dishwasher.

But you don’t, because you’re a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a man to do things for you (right?).

You know he’ll do it eventually, right?

You should thank him when he does it, though. It’s the polite thing to do.

A man who’s being thanked for every little thing he does feels appreciated, and a man who feels appreciated will be more inclined to do more for you.

If you feel like a woman who needs a man to do everything for her, you’re not doing yourself any favors.

11) Encourage his playful side

Men, especially as they get older, are often expected to be serious and responsible.

Adults are supposed to be mature and full of integrity.

There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s what we all need to strive for in order to live better lives.

However, if you’re encouraging a man to grow up, you need to encourage his playful side as well.

To help him relax and play around with you and kids.

What’s more?

Most men have a playful side that they keep under wraps.

They’re more comfortable doing things like lifting heavy things, building things, driving fast cars, and all the other stereotypical activities that men do when they want to let loose.

If a man doesn’t have outlets for his playful side, he’ll repress it and that side of him may never come out again.

If you encourage your man to let his playful side come out and play, you’ll be helping him tap into his best self in more ways than one.

Having a playful side makes it easier to tap into other aspects of his personality like his creativity and sense of humor. It also makes it easier to connect with other people.

12) Make him feel manly

Men are often accused of being unemotional and incapable of showing their feelings — even though they cry at the drop of a hat during tear-jerker movies.

So how can you make a man feel more masculine?

By asking him to open up and share his feelings with you.

If a man is always expected to be the tough guy who doesn’t cry, he’ll start to repress his feelings.

Before you know it, you won’t be able to get a single emotion out of him unless you’re watching the end of Titanic.

Whenever your man is being uncharacteristically unemotional, ask him what he’s feeling.

When a man feels like he can share his feelings with you, he feels less pressure to shut them off.

Men want to feel manly.

They want to feel like a masculine leader, capable of taking care of their family and taking care of themselves.

This can be tough for a woman to accomplish, but there are ways that you can encourage him to feel manly without making him feel masculine.

He doesn’t need to wear heels or a suit and tie in order to look manly.

He doesn’t need to be tall, skinny, and able to lift barrels.

He can feel manly by wearing the right clothes, taking up new skills and hobbies, or even just by being a good father or husband.

Let him know that you appreciate his efforts to take care of the family and that you see him as a strong, capable man who is willing to learn new things and develop in order to better himself.

13) Let him take care of you

Men want to take care of women and children because they want to prove that they’re capable of being providers.

They want to show you that you don’t need to do everything for them, or else they’ll feel unappreciated.

Men feel proud when they take care of a woman who is capable of taking care of herself and handling things on her own.

So letting him take care of you is one of useful tips to trigger his inner hero.

A lot of men feel like they have to act like they don’t need anyone.

It’s an unfortunate stereotype.

Especially when so many men need help with day-to-day tasks like getting dressed and doing household chores.

A man who doesn’t feel like he’s taking care of his woman will feel emasculated.

You don’t want that.

You want to be able to ask your man to pick out your clothes and make him feel like he’s helping you out.

At the same time, you don’t want him to feel like he’s being used.

Whenever you ask him to help you out, be genuine about it.

Don’t make him feel like he’s doing something for you out of obligation.

14) Let him protect you

Men are constantly judged for being protectors.

From our friends, to our school teachers, to our parents, and even the ads we see on television.

There’s this stereotype that men are supposed to be strong and capable of protecting women, children, and sometimes men as well.

But what happens when a strong man becomes unable to protect?

When he’s no longer able to deal with the stresses of life?

He gets depressed.

Men feel like they’re protecting their family when they come to your aid, but the truth is that a lot of the time, all they want to do is be taken care of.

Sometimes, being a protector can be a lonely and stressful job.

When you let your man take care of you, he doesn’t have to worry about his performance in this role and it will relieve him of that pressure.

No wonder!

In a perfect world, men would be protecting women from danger at all times.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case for a variety of reasons.

If the man in your life isn’t giving you the protection you need, you need to tell him to step up.

But you also need to give him permission to do his job.

Don’t be the kind of woman who gets upset every time he has to do his job.

If you’re in danger, you need him to step up and do what he can to protect you.

If you don’t let him do his job, you’re actually doing him a disservice.

You’re taking away his ability to protect you.

When he knows he has your permission to step up, he’ll feel less torn about it.

15) Ask for his advice

Men are a lot more likely than women to give advice, especially when they’re in a position of power.

They want to be responsible for their woman and children, so they feel like they have to be a positive influence on your life.

That’s why it can be really uplifting and comforting for them when you ask them for their advice.

And that’s how you activate his hero instinct.

When a man offers his advice, don’t shoot it down. Even if you think it’s terrible, at least let him finish speaking. He needs to know that you value his opinion.

He needs to know that you trust him to have good ideas.

If he’s always being shot down for sharing his thoughts, he’ll stop sharing them.

Men take advice better when they feel like their opinion matters to the person they’re advising.

It’s not enough to just let him talk and finish his thought.

You need to ask him follow-up questions and really listen to what he’s saying.


So there you have it, 15 practical ways to trigger a man’s inner hero.

When your man is an awesome guy with a great personality, it’s easy to forget how he can become a better man when you let him be himself.

It’s easy to take him for granted and forget how vital he is to the family.

When he’s not doing what needs to be done or playing the hero role, you may miss out on his personality that’s so important in your life.

By now you should have a better idea of how to activate the hero instinct in man.

So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.

I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.

And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.

With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge,be sure to check out the video now.

Here’s a link to his excellent free video again.