You’ve probably heard it a million times before: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours.
Are you dating someone who doesn’t realize your worth?
I’ve been there, and it really sucks.
No matter what I did, nothing seemed to work, until one day I decided to say enough is enough. I broke things off.
And suddenly – he was a changed man! He realized my worth and was begging for me to reconsider.
That made me want to find out why, so I did some research. Here are the reasons why he has to lose you to realize your worth:
1) He’ll see what he’s missing
What you have with him now is not a relationship. It’s not even a friendship. It’s a habit.
He’s so used to having you around that he doesn’t even realize what he’d be missing without you.
When you break up with him, he’ll see how great life is with you. He’ll realize what a huge mistake he made by letting you go.
Life is suddenly better with you, and that’s when he’ll realize how much he needs you.
A breakup is the perfect opportunity for him to see what he’s missing.
You see, the thing is, humans are a bit strange in many aspects.
Maybe you’ve noticed, but we have a tendency to look forward to things and to miss things in the past, but never really being in the present moment.
For example, we look forward to a vacation, and for months after, we look back at that vacation with nostalgia, telling ourselves how much fun we had.
But when we’re on that vacation, we’re constantly thinking about how quickly time is going by and how work is approaching on Monday.
So much so, that we forget to actually enjoy ourselves to our fullest! The result? We don’t really appreciate the beauty of the moment until it’s over and we look back on it with nostalgia.
Now: it’s similar with some relationships.
Some people won’t see the value of their partner until it’s time to miss them.
When you break up, he’ll miss you and realize what a great girlfriend you were. He’ll be asking himself why he ever let you go.
All of a sudden, he will look back on the relationship with nostalgia, longing for those moments together.
He’ll remember how much he loved you and how great life was with you. That’s when he’ll realize your worth.
Is it a good thing that it sometimes takes leaving for someone to realize that? No, of course not!
But all in all, it is somewhat part of human nature, at least to some extent.
2) He won’t take you for granted anymore
That’s the thing with most guys. They don’t even realize what they have until it’s gone.
Some guys are so caught up with themselves that they don’t even realize what a catch you are.
They take you for granted. They don’t appreciate you for the wonderful person you are. They don’t appreciate the effort you put into the relationship and they don’t realize your worth.
When you break up with a guy who doesn’t appreciate you, he’ll suddenly realize what you mean to him.
He’ll regret not appreciating you more. He’ll regret not showing you that you’re worth more than what he was giving you.
He’ll regret not showing you that you deserve more than what he was treating you as.
And you know what? That’s a good thing. That’s actually a great thing.
He’ll start treating you like the amazing person that you are. He’ll start giving you the attention and love that you deserve and he’ll start appreciating the effort you put into the relationship.
Now: this is only if it’s not too late, of course.
The thing is, when I was in that situation, seeing how only my absence made him realize that he was taking me for granted, I was also a little bit pissed, to be honest.
I mean, how was I putting in all that effort not enough? How was I making so many sacrifices not enough?
How was he not appreciating me not enough?
I felt like it was unfair, in a way. I felt like I deserved better.
But then again, that’s how life is sometimes. We don’t get what we deserve, but we get what we make of it.
And you know what? If he doesn’t appreciate you now and only your absence makes him realize that he should have appreciated you more, then maybe it’s better if you leave.
Of course, this is fully up to you, but definitely make sure that he is really in a space where he will appreciate you from now on out.
Taking your partner for granted is something that shouldn’t happen.
It really shouldn’t.
So, if you’re in a relationship where your partner is taking you for granted, then there are really only a few things you can do:
Leave and come back when he realizes your worth or leave and don’t come back.
The choice is yours.
But, if you do decide to leave, then definitely make sure that you’re doing it for the right reasons.
If you’re leaving because you don’t think he appreciates you enough, then you might want to reevaluate the relationship.
And if you’re leaving because you’re tired of being his second priority, then make sure that he won’t be slipping back into those habits in the future.
So, make sure that you have a clear picture of what you want and why you want it.
Make sure that you know what your boundaries are and that you know what you deserve. Make sure that you know what your partner is capable of and what he’s not.
3) Sometimes, people only see the value of something after they lose it
Have you ever lost something really important to you?
You might have found out that it’s actually more important to you than you thought.
If something bad happens to your relationship, you lose something important.
You’ll be forced to look at your relationship from a different perspective. You’ll be forced to realize the value of your relationship.
That’s what happens when someone breaks up with you. You lose the relationship. You lose the guy. And when you lose him, you’ll feel the sting of losing him. That’s when you’ll realize just how important he is to you.
You’ll realize that you don’t want to lose him. You’ll realize that you want him back in your life.
And you know what happens when people realize the value of something they lost? They go out of their way to get it back.
They make sure they don’t lose it again.
That’s how a guy who doesn’t appreciate you will feel when you break up with him. He’ll feel the sting of losing you, and he’ll do whatever it takes to get you back in his life.
The thing is, I’m not sure why people are that way. Why can’t we see the value of things while we have them? Why do we have to lose something before we realize that it’s important?
It’s not always true, but it does seem to happen a lot.
I think that people who are looking for value in your relationship are going to have a hard time finding it.
That’s because they’re looking for it in all the wrong places. They’re looking for value in the wrong things. They’re looking for value in things that don’t matter.
It’s like life, you know?
People are always putting their happiness into something external – the new car, the house, the bag, and they tell themselves “once I have this, I’ll be happy”.
Now, the thing is, there is no way to arrive at happiness, and you’ll figure this out by looking back at certain memories that you know you weren’t appreciating in the past and realizing that, looking back, they were amazing times.
How could you miss that?
Well, that’s exactly the problem – it’s all about how you approach life.
I learned this from the shaman Rudà Iandê. When I was doing my research, I stumbled upon his free masterclass about personal power.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it was free, so I gave it a shot.
And I was quite blown away, to be honest. In that free video, he explained how all our relationships start with the relationship we have with ourselves.
Once you get that in check, you get to tap into your limitless potential.
That’s when something clicked in my mind – was I even appreciating myself?
You see, I was so worried about getting this guy to see my value that I forgot something important:
If I saw my own value, I wouldn’t even put up with that kind of behavior.
I wouldn’t accept it and I wouldn’t try to change his mind, I’d simply leave and wait for someone who could treat me the way I deserve.
But, you know, I’m human. We’re all human and we all make mistakes.
That’s why I believe that the only way to truly appreciate yourself is to start with small actions.
And that’s what I did.
Now: I’m not gonna say that this masterclass single-handedly changed my life, because obviously, it comes down to you and what actions you take afterward.
However, it gave me exactly the inputs and nudges I needed in order to take control of my own life.
So, if you are curious, here is the link to the free video again.
4) He’ll feel the sting of losing you and he’ll have the space to miss you
That might be the best thing about breaking up with a guy who doesn’t appreciate you.
You’ll both feel the sting of losing each other. There’s nothing like the sting of losing someone you love to make you want them back.
When you break up with a guy who doesn’t appreciate you, you’ll both feel the sting of losing each other.
You’ll both regret losing each other. You’ll both wish you could go back in time and fix what you broke.
You’ll both wish you didn’t let things get this far. You’ll both wish that you didn’t let resentment grow within your relationship.
You see, the sting of losing someone can be a great motivation to really get your act together and finally start acting right.
Especially for guys, they hate feeling this sting and so that can be a great way to get him to appreciate you more.
But that’s not the only reason.
You see, when he loses you, you also give him an opportunity to miss you.
In a relationship, things can sometimes become a bit tightly knit to the point where you see each other all day every day.
So, when you break up, he’ll be given the space to miss you.
And that space will give him a chance to realize how much he loves you and how much he misses your presence.
He’ll also have time to reflect on how his actions hurt you and how much better he could treat you if only he really wanted to.
And that’s why I think breaking up with a guy who doesn’t appreciate you can be the best thing for both of you.
Sometimes you really can’t miss the other person while you’re still in that space of a relationship, because you see each other way too much and you get used to each other.
So, when you break up you both have a chance to miss each other and that can be a great way for both of you to reflect on how much better the relationship can be.
5) He’ll realize how important you are to him
If you’ve ever broken up with a guy, then you know how hard it is to get him to open up and talk about his feelings.
Guys are often closed off. They’re reluctant to talk about how they feel. They’re reluctant to let their guard down and show their true emotions.
They bottle everything up inside and let it fester until it poisons every part of them.
Oftentimes, they’re not willing to talk about how they feel, especially if they don’t have to.
They’re not willing to let you know that they care about you. They don’t want you to know that they’re actually thinking about you day and night.
It’s just not in their nature. But when you break up with a guy who doesn’t appreciate you, he’ll be forced to open up and talk about his feelings.
He has no choice but to let his guard down and show his true emotions. He has no choice but to let you know that you’re important to him.
He’s been bottling everything up so long that he’s about to explode. When you break up with him, he’ll be forced to let all his emotions out.
He’ll realize just how important you are to him. He’ll realize that you’re a part of him that he can’t live without.
Now: the thing is, this only applies to the guys who actually have strong emotions for you, of course.
It won’t work if the guy doesn’t actually care about you. It won’t work if the guy is just looking for a casual hookup.
However, if a guy genuinely cares about you, losing you will make him realize your importance in his life.
It will make him see how much you do for him on a daily basis, it will show him that he can’t live without you, and it will make him realize how much more he has to offer you.
But this is not just about physical things, for example, how much you help him with housework. This is also about the emotional aspect of your relationship.
For example, if you’re a girl who is really good at listening to a guy’s problems, then you’ll help him feel better about his life, about himself.
If you’re always there for him when he needs to talk and you’re always willing to help out with whatever he needs, then this will also show him that you care about him.
So in the end, when he realizes how much better your relationship can be with the right effort from both of you, he’ll realize that he doesn’t want to give up on the relationship after all. He won’t want the breakup anymore.
Once he realizes how important you are to him, he will do everything in his power to get you back.
6) It’ll force him to make a decision
You may have been wondering why he’s been dragging his feet on making a decision about your relationship.
He might have been toying with the idea of ending things, but he hasn’t actually been able to do it. He might have even thought about doing it soon, but he hasn’t actually done it.
You see, some guys are very conflicted in a relationship – they don’t know what they want.
Now: when you break things off or make him realize that he’s losing you, you are forcing him to suddenly make a decision and figure out what he’s feeling.
Does he love you enough to fight for you? Or is he ready to let you go?
He’ll have to give it some thought and decide if he really wants to be with you or if he wants to let you go.
It’ll force him to face the truth about his feelings for you. This is a good thing, it means that he needs to finally make a decision.
7) It will make him realize how unique you are
Do you know the saying “there is plenty of fish in the sea”?
Well, the thing is, there might be, but it can be really difficult to find one that fits perfectly into your life.
Now: when you make a guy understand that he is losing you, his first instinct might be to find someone else.
But the thing is, it’s not easy to replace a person. He will soon realize how unique you are and how hard it is to find someone like you.
So he will probably realize that he doesn’t want to lose you, but instead of trying to get back together with you, he might just want to make sure that he doesn’t lose you in the first place.
Once he realizes how unique you truly are, he will understand that he needs to see your worth more and treat you better.
8) It will make him want to prove you wrong
When you break up with someone, it can be a pretty painful process for both of you.
Sometimes, we might even say things that we don’t mean in the heat of the moment or when we’re feeling emotional.
Now: when you tell your guy that he’s not good enough for you or that he’s not treating you right, he might feel a little bit hurt by your words and think about them long after the breakup is over.
But here’s what will happen: he’ll want you to realize that you’re wrong and that he can be an amazing boyfriend. He will want to prove you wrong.
So he will probably try harder to make sure that you’re happy and that he makes you feel special.
If a guy truly loves you, he’ll understand that he’s been doing something wrong, but it’s not easy for him to change his behavior overnight.
It might be hard for him to change his ways, but if he truly loves you, as a real man should, then he’ll do anything in order not to lose you.
9) It will make him want to chase you again
Okay, so this might sound strange, but guys have it in their nature to pursue women.
That is just the way they are – they love the thrill of the chase and they love to conquer.
But when you break up with them, it makes him want you even more – he wants that feeling of victory again.
It’s just like going on a roller coaster – you might be scared at first, but when you get to the top you feel a sense of exhilaration.
And that is exactly how your guy feels: he wants the thrill of getting you back and making sure that he gets what he wants.
Now: this is simply in a man’s nature, there’s nothing you can really do about it. But that’s also the reason why some people get bored in relationships – they feel no aspect of that chase anymore.
So if your man is chasing you again, it’s because he wants to win you over and make sure that he doesn’t lose you.
10) He just sucked at expressing his feelings
Okay, last but not least, this one is unfortunately pretty common, as well.
Some guys might love you and think you’re amazing, but they simply suck at expressing their feelings, or they simply don’t know how to tell you.
This is especially true for men who have had troubled childhoods and have never really been taught how to express their emotions and how to love.
If this is the case, then your man might just need some time to figure out what he wants and what he’s feeling before he can talk to you about it.
But that’s also a good thing – it means that he cares about you enough not to hurt you by saying something stupid or by getting into a relationship with you too quickly.
So: if your boyfriend just sucked at expressing his feelings, then he might be giving you some space now because he needs time to sort himself out – but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you!
You see, he might have always appreciated you and simply didn’t know how to express that.
Now: if that is the case, what should you do?
Well, it’s really up to you.
I mean, to be fair, if he really loved you then maybe he does deserve a second chance…
But if you’re not sure, then it’s probably best to end it and move on – because if he really loved you, he’d find a way to tell you.
And after all, you deserve someone who lets you know how amazing you are, right?
Now you know the many reasons why men often only see your worth when they lose you.
Maybe some of these points made you mad, maybe others helped you understand the opposite gender a little better.
But either way, there’s one thing you should keep in mind:
If your man truly loves you, then he will find a way to show it. And if he doesn’t, then that’s his loss – not yours.
That being said, you deserve someone who will appreciate what an awesome person you are – and who will make sure that you know it!