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So you know that guy?
The one who likes you but doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. He gets jealous, but he doesn’t want to put in the work or take things seriously.
If this sounds familiar, here are 15 tips that I learned in my 20s about how to deal with it.
1) Make your intentions clear
Have you wondered why he gets jealous but doesn’t want a relationship?
That’s because he’s not sure how to handle these feelings.
So if you want to be in a relationship, you first have to make it clear that you want one.
You have to be clear on the fact that you’re looking for a relationship and that you don’t just want to mess around outside of it. Only then will he start taking things seriously.
And in case you don’t want to be in a relationship, then you have to let him know that as soon as he starts getting serious, he has to move on. Otherwise, there will be nothing left but empty relationships and heartache.
2) Set some ground rules
Taking things too seriously won’t work.
Whether you want a relationship or not, it’s a good idea to set some ground rules.
Be clear about what you’re looking for and what he’s allowed to do. If you’re not interested in being in a relationship but need his help, then let him know that.
There is no point in being attracted to someone unless you can work with him.
Here are some ground rules that might help you:
- Let him know that you don’t just want to get intimate with him.
- Tell him the kind of relationship you’re looking for.
- If he wants friends with benefits, then make it clear that he can’t be in touch with you when he meets someone else.
- Tell him what kind of behavior you don’t accept.
- Let him know your deal-breakers. And then stick to them.
If he doesn’t want to follow through on any of those, then that’s a clear sign that he doesn’t respect you enough. And by setting these ground rules, you’re protecting yourself.
3) Maintain your independence
Having your own life will help you not to get affected by his actions.
You have to have things that keep you busy and make sure you’re involved in other things than just spending time with him. That way, he won’t be able to hurt your feelings so easily.
It’s good to know when the right moment is to end a relationship that’s going nowhere. And that you have your own life to fall back on.
Knowing this will save you a lot of pain in the future. It also helps you to live in the present and enjoy the good things that he has to offer.
4) Demand respect
The truth is:
He doesn’t want a relationship but he still gets jealous.
That means that he doesn’t respect you and doesn’t have the emotional maturity to be in a relationship.
When this is the case, you have to tell him so. It won’t make things any easier for you but it’s the only way to show him that he’s not worthy of your love.
Take things into your own hands and show him that he needs to step up his game. Tell him what you need and expect from him, especially when it comes to respecting you and being intimate with you.
5) Find out the reason why he doesn’t want a relationship
There is always a reason why people behave a certain way.
Maybe he already has some issues that make him feel like he’s not good enough to be in a relationship.
Or maybe it’s because of past experiences and bad relationships that made him not trust women anymore.
Whatever it is, you might be able to fix it by talking about it. You can’t just expect him to change his mind overnight. You have to show him that you’re worth it and that you’re willing to do whatever it takes for a real relationship.
6) Allow the relationship to build up slowly
Now that you know the reason why he acts this way, you can start by letting him know that you can see it and that it’s not OK for him to treat you like this.
You have to tell him that you’re ready for a real relationship with him and that he doesn’t have to hold back if he’s feeling insecure.
Don’t feel bad about being tough or too demanding.
This is an opportunity for him to see that you’re worth it. Just because the relationship hasn’t developed the way you want it to doesn’t mean that it’s not a good one.
This may take some time and patience but eventually, you’ll get what you want. Just make sure that he knows where you stand and what your intentions are. And everything will develop into something good and rewarding in the end.
7) Give him space and time to work through his emotions
Another tip to deal with a guy who doesn’t want a relationship but gets jealous:
Give him space. You won’t be able to figure things out if you’re spending every second with him.
Ask yourself what your intentions are and why you want a relationship with him.
If you’ve made up your mind about the direction of the relationship, then give him time to think about it as well.
If you feel like he doesn’t respect you, let him know so.
Choose your battles and only fight the ones that are worth it. Be patient and allow him to figure things out on his own. He’ll get there sooner or later. And when he does,
you’ll be dating your dream man!
8) Try not to drag the drama into your social circle
Talking about your relationship with friends and family might help you get out of the negativity but it can also make things worse.
As a rule of thumb, don’t talk about your relationship with people who are not directly involved in it.
If you do, you’re basically inviting them to judge you and they will. You’ll feel bad and begin to doubt yourself. And that’s never a good thing in a relationship.
As soon as you start feeling insecure, you’re already in trouble. And your friends and family will only make it worse.
Enjoy the good conversations with people who love you and let the negative ones be. It’s not worth the stress!
9) Find a compromise you both agree on
OK, I know what you’re thinking:
By now, you probably feel stressed and nervous about the situation.
You want things to work out but you also know that it’s going to be tough if he won’t change his mind.
When this happens, the best thing is to try a compromise.
Find something you both agree on, like that he can’t touch you or kiss you when he’s with someone else. And that you’ll let him date other people as long as the relationship stays platonic.
When you agree to these terms, it’s a sign that you’re ready for a relationship and don’t want to waste your time on someone who isn’t willing to commit.
You’re really set up for success when this happens.
So as long as you’re both on the same page, everything will work out.
10) Put some time away from each other
Yes, you want a relationship. You deserve a healthy relationship.
You want someone who’s willing to commit and to show you the love you want and deserve.
That’s why it’s difficult when the guy doesn’t want a relationship but gets jealous.
And he probably won’t change his mind anytime soon because, well, that’s exactly what he wants!
Looking for an answer to this problem? Take some time away from each other and give yourselves some space.
Let things cool off for a while and don’t let the drama continue. If you love him and want to be with him, you’ll find a way to change his mind.
Otherwise, it might be time to move on and look for someone who’s willing to give you what you want!
Bonus tip: If he’s not even willing to do that much for the relationship, he’s probably not the one. So it might be best to let go before things get worse.
11) Let your gut instinct guide what you do next
Maybe you’ve received advice from friends and family on what to do next in this situation.
But you can only decide what you’re going to do when you listen to yourself.
Intuition is a powerful tool that not many people trust anymore but it’s always right! If you feel like he’s not worth the energy, then it might be the right time to let him go. Yes, it can be hard when the guy doesn’t want a relationship but gets jealous.
But you’ll be amazed at how quickly you can recover from the situation and look for someone who’s willing to give you the love and attention that you deserve!
And if he changes his mind? Well, that’s great news!
You can’t control other people or their choices. So just follow what your gut is telling you and let the rest work out by itself.
12) Stay positive about what is working for you and what isn’t for him
You might feel frustrated when the guy doesn’t want a relationship and gets jealous.
But guess what? This is an opportunity for you to see that not everything is working out but actually, it’s great!
All these experiences help you know what you’re looking for.
And if he’s giving you a good time on a regular basis, then something good is happening and your relationship is headed in the right direction. If that’s the case, then let him keep doing what he’s doing. You don’t want to change a good thing.
But if you feel like he’s not respecting your boundaries and is trying too hard for something that can never happen, then maybe it’s time to move on.
13) Realize that he’s not worth your time and energy
The guy that doesn’t want to be in a relationship is basically saying to you that he doesn’t want to take the next step in your relationship.
And that can be a kiss of death when it comes to any hopes and dreams you might have for the future.
It’s time to realize that he’s not worth your time or energy.
You don’t want to waste either on someone who doesn’t respect you enough to commit.
If he really cares about you, he’ll realize that and make the necessary changes. But if not, then you might be wasting your time.
14) Decide if you should try to change the rules or move on
Sometimes the guy just wants to have fun. And if that’s what works for him, then it’s not your place to judge.
But if he refuses to give you what you want and you’re trying really hard to make the relationship work, then it might be time to change the rules.
For example, if he said he doesn’t want to go on a second date with a woman but gets jealous that she has someone else in her life, then maybe it’s time for you to do the same.
You’re the one who wants a real relationship and not just a casual hook-up.
And that’s what you deserve. So you need to find someone who’s willing to give it to you and stop trying to change the rules.
15) Build an “I’m done” escape plan to put your foot down
Sometimes you’ve tried everything to change his mind but you get the same answer.
And when that happens, it might be time to build an “I’m done” escape plan.
You’ve tried talking about it, you’ve tried dating other people, you’ve tried great sex, and nothing has changed! So now what? All this is not just about an argument between the two of you.
It’s also about your health and well-being.
You deserve to be with someone who treats you well. And if he’s not willing to make that commitment, then you’re better off without him.
You’ll be amazed at how quickly you can get over the situation when you know that there are other people out there who want a relationship. And want to make it work.
Final thoughts
Yes, it can be hard when he doesn’t want a relationship but gets jealous.
But it’s also an opportunity to see what you’re looking for and decide if the guy is worth your time.
Once you’ve come to the realization that there’s no hope with the guy, move on. Don’t waste your energy on someone who doesn’t respect you and is only interested in a hook-up or afraid of commitment.
It’s better to be alone and single than to put up with a relationship like that. After all, you only get one heart!
Let this experience bring you the clarity you need and find a guy who’s worth your time. One who’s willing to give you everything you want in a relationship.
