Getting into a casual, “friends with benefits” hookup relationship with someone can be fun, especially when you’re both on the same page. You both just want something simple, an easy way to scratch your sexual needs regularly with someone you can trust.
But what happens when one partner wants to turn to the next page of the relationship, evolving it beyond the primal? What happens when your hookup starts to develop feelings for you? It’s important for you to see the signs when they start appearing, so you can figure out the best way to handle the situation before someone gets hurt. Here are 15 signs that your hookup actually has feelings for you:
1) They Don’t Leave After It’s Done
A hookup is a hookup, right? It’s just a way to get laid with someone you trust and someone you’re physically attracted to. So after the sex is done, the hookup is officially over; there’s no obligation, no need to fulfill any kind of date together. They can leave immediately after.
Except they don’t leave (when it’s at your place). They stay, and even suggest sleeping over because of some reason like, “I don’t want to go out now because it’s so late”, or, “I’m too drunk to drive home, let me crash with you.” Sure, they could just be needing a place to sleep, but if it happens several times in a row, they may be showing their first signs of having feelings for you.
2) They Start Asking Questions About You
There’s no reason to really care about someone you’re hooking up with. Both people are in agreement that this is just a mutually-beneficial, sexual relationship. So when your hookup starts asking personal questions about you, showing some interest beyond lust in who you are as a person, those questions may be a sign that they’re thinking about you in other ways, as well.
3) They Make Your Life Better In More Ways Than Just Sex
Maybe you didn’t realize it at first, but it’s clear to you now: your hookup has become more than just a person you have sex with regularly. They’re also helping you improve your life in other ways, too.
Maybe they talk to you about your work or your classes, and they help you with tough choices you might have. When you think about this person, you think of more than just a fun time in the bedroom; you also think about how great it is talking with them.
4) They Love Cuddling
Cuddling is fun, but if you don’t really “like” the person you’re cuddling with, it can get old fast. So when your hookup can’t get enough of cuddling with you, that cuddling might be a sign that they’re getting more out of this than just physical contact; they might actually seriously like you.
Because who doesn’t want to cuddle the person they like in bed all night? Who needs sex when you can get hugs?
5) You’ve Gone Out Together Without Hooking Up
One of the telltale signs that a hookup relationship is evolving into something more is when the couple starts expanding beyond the bedroom and beyond sex. If you two have gone out together in any way – to eat, to watch a movie, to do errands together – then questions must be asked.
Anything outside of the bedroom is way beyond the initial scope and expectations of a hookup relationship. So whoever started pushing for these non-sexual meetings first might be the person who’s getting the feelings.
6) They Don’t Hide Their Physical Affection In Public
When you’re hooking up with someone, one of the best parts of the relationship is sharing your physical affection, desire, and lust for one another in the bedroom. But that physical intimacy should disappear the moment you leave the bedroom, because there’s nothing “real” between you two; physical acts should just be about making the sex better.
So if your partner can’t stop themselves from continuing the physical affection in public – holding your hand, hugging you, touching your body in playful, small ways – then it’s no longer just sex they want. They want you.
7) They Message You Throughout the Week
Remember: two people who are hooking up with each other and nothing more have no obligation to each other outside of the bedroom. So an easy way to see if the person you’re hooking up with has feelings for you is to see if they’re staying in contact with you for purposes outside of arranging the next meeting.
If this person is messaging you throughout the week – sending you funny pictures, asking what you’re doing, talking about their life – then you’ve become more than just a fun hookup to them.
8) They Remember Details
No matter how small the detail may be, they’ll remember it. Maybe you mentioned last week that you like having a certain pillow to yourself because there’s something about it you love. Well this week, they’ll make sure you have that pillow, while also reminding you that they remembered what you told them. Why? They want you to realize that they actually care about you, and you’re not just another hookup to them.
9) They Drop Hints
You might think they’re just being playful or silly, when they say things like, “Imagine if we were an actual couple”, or, “If we were together, where would we go this weekend as a date?” these aren’t just playful lines; these are actual hints. They’re trying to seed the idea in your mind that it would be nice to be a bit more serious with them. The question is: do you agree?
10) They Aren’t Hooking Up With Anyone Else
Again, there’s no obligation when it comes to a relationship where two people are just casually hooking up. Sure, it’s always polite to tell someone if you’ve been in bed with another person (for health purposes, mainly), but it wouldn’t be the end of the world if you didn’t.
But even though you’ve been hooking up with this person for a while now, you can’t help but notice: they haven’t hooked up with anyone else. They’re always available for you, always ready to come over to your place, and you just know you can trust them.
They haven’t been with anyone else since you started seeing them. Why is that? Are they trying to tell you something about their feelings about being exclusive with you? Perhaps.
11) They Listen To You And Encourage You To Talk
Your thoughts aren’t just silly noise to them; they actually care about what you have to say. They want to hear about your day, your frustrations, your issues and your rants. They want to look into your head and understand how you tick, even long after the sex is done and they could’ve gone home.
They want to get to know you so much more, and they never make you feel bad for talking too much. And of course, their phone is always far away when you start to talk; they don’t let their social media distract them when you begin speaking.
12) They Care About Hygiene Around You
One thing about casual relationships is that they can get pretty sloppy. Both partners know that this isn’t a “serious” engagement, so they might not always try to be their best selves when they’re with their hookup partner.
But this person actually does seem to care. They don’t let their hygiene or their level of attention to themselves drop when they’re with you. They always seem to look, smell, and be their best when they’re with you, like they’re trying to impress you every time.
13) They Talk About Ex Relationships
They’ve opened up to you about their exes, more than once. They’ve become so comfortable with you that they talk about their heartbreaks, their issues, their flaws, the lovers they lost and cried over. They open up to you in ways you never would’ve expected, and you can’t help but wonder why.
When we catch feelings for someone, we know that the easiest way to make them open up and be vulnerable is by showing vulnerability ourselves. They might be trying to get you to open up to them by giving you everything they have.
14) They Show You Loyalty Around Other People
When you’re with other people, whether their friends or your friends or just strangers in general, your friend-with-benefits doesn’t treat you like you’re just an acquaintance.
They actually treat you like there’s a bond between you two. They don’t flirt with other people while you’re around, and if you ever need them to back you up in any way, they’re always there, ready to help you out.
15) You Just Feel It
If after all this, you’re still undecided as to whether your “friend with benefits” wants something more than just benefits, the simplest answer is to just go with your gut.
What do you feel? Do you feel affection, possibly love coming from them? Do you feel them trying to edge the relationship towards something more than what it currently is? If your gut is saying yes, then that’s probably it. Now it’s time for you to ask yourself – do you want something more as well?
16) They’re Talking About The Future
Now if you’ve been hooking up with someone casually for a while and you’re seeing things in person or they start to make plans to see you, then it could be because they actually have feelings for you.
This person could be thinking about the future because they see a future with you. Usually, people in casual relationships are just looking for a good time – they’re not thinking about the future because they don’t see a future with their hookup.
But if they are, then it’s someone who has feelings for you.
You might be unsure at this point, but it’s generally a good sign if they want to talk about the future.
17) They’ve Talked About Their Insecurities
It’s not just their physical body that they’re insecure about, either. There are times when they talk about their past, too; what has happened in their life that makes them feel insecure. They don’t just talk about their physical looks. They talk about the parts of their personality that they don’t like, as well as the parts they admire.
If they’re opening themselves up to you in this way, then that probably means they have strong feelings for you.
Now that you’ve read the signs and you’re confident that they like you, what can you do to take the relationship further?
It’s a good question.
Here are 4 steps to get this guy to like you after sleeping with them.
1. Get their contact details and set up a date
This is important, for obvious reasons. To continue the relationship, you need to make sure you actually see them!
Call them and make plans to see them – yep, nerve-wracking, but a call may be the one to go instead of text.
Why? It shows confidence and you’ll find out how serious he is about meeting you.
But if you want to stick to text, that’s fine. Just make sure to set up a meeting with him again. And no, not at 12 am on a Saturday night! A coffee date will do just fine.
2. Be cute >> flirt with him
So you guys want to be more than friends with benefits. That means that you need some fun communication and you need to build rapport. Flirting and being cute do both.
It’s time to show him you like him. Just be cute and playful – nothing too serious.
Try not to overthink it, just go with the flow! And remember, if he’s interested in you, he’ll be into it too.
3. Go on the date and have fun!
Perhaps the most important tip of all!
This will be the first time he sees you in person, so make sure you look good and you want to have fun! Don’t put too much expectation on anything. It really doesn’t matter! Just enjoy yourself, show your personality and make sure that you actually like him!
4. Keep it casual but slowly progress the relationship
It will be a gradual progression, so don’t worry about being too pushy. Just keep the relationship casual but make sure to keep it going!
This is what I believe; I’ve had many short relationships and they made me grow as a person. So if it doesn’t go anywhere, don’t worry! And if it is going somewhere, make sure it slowly progresses and you’ll be just fine!